Sunday, December 30, 2012

An MC-Flavored "Top Twelve" List for 2012

When Callidus visited me in September, one of the things we did together was brainstorm a list of our top ten favorite MC scenes in movies and TV. We were thinking about publishing a single list of picks we agreed on, but later we decided it would be easier to each make our own list and publish that in our own time. So here's mine, just in time for the end-of-year retrospectives. In honor of the year (and because that's how many clips I found on YouTube out of all the ones I searched for), I'm giving you not ten, but twelve of my favorites.

If you like what you see, you'd better download these clips immediately, because there's no telling how long they'll stick around. Already, some of the videos I'd featured previously on this blog are gone; so I've had to make do with lesser quality versions or, in a few cases, interesting remixes. Then there was one (Eve Plumb in the "Pied Piper" episode of Wonder Woman) that I couldn't find at all. If you've seen that episode, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It would definitely have been in my top five.

Anyway, here's my "Top Twelve for 2012" MC countdown, minus Eve Plumb. Download while you can.

12. Lily's Seduction in Legend: Mia Sara is by far the best thing about this movie, and this is by far her best scene. Who or what is really seducing her here? No telling, but it's probably female...and Mia definitely loves it.

11. Emma Peel's Brainwashing in The Avengers: Brief and to the point, which is a blessing since this is supposedly an execrable movie. Thankfully, the only bit of it I've watched is this scene, which Callidus shared with me on his visit. I can't imagine what the poor guy suffered to bring us this brief moment of transcendence.

10. "I Want It" from Looker: Haven't we all been hypnotized by TV once in awhile? Too bad most of us don't look at hot as Susan Dey when it happens.

9. Close to You/Mirrormask: Neil Gaiman comes through again, this time with clockwork robots dancing to the very last song you'd ever expect to hear in an MC context.

8. Picard Gets Assimilated: I couldn't find a clip of his assimilation isolated from the rest of the plot, but I found something that might be even better: a chronological mashup of several MC-related moments from both parts of "Best of Both Worlds." Not only do you get the full horror of Picard's assimilation, but you also get the thrill of watching him betray the people he loves, all without having to wait on an actual plot. [Edit: I've replaced the original embedded video with a better, more atmospheric one - though oddly enough, both feature music by the same band. Even if you don't like Linkin Park, I recommend keeping the sound on because of all the horrified muttering by the Enterprise crew.].

7. Mannequin - Mutation: Here's something I stumbled across several years ago (via Asudem Latex, IIRC). I'm surprised and delighted to find it still online.

6. Carmilla Seduces a Young Maiden: I had thought this scene was gone from YouTube, but maybe I just needed to be logged in to see it. I found it today, anyway, in the middle of a ten-minute segment. If you don't want to wait around, just drag the slide bar over to 4:46. Carmilla smolders wonderfully, and her victim's expressions are almost as lovely as her pale, helpless body.

5. Fleurs du Mal: This video is technically an advertisement for Agent Provocateur lingerie, but in reality it's oh so much more. Xenia LaFleur linked me to the original clip on the AP website, and today I found a copy on YouTube that I could embed here. If you want the link to the original in its great big .mp4 glory, it's available here; and if you want to download that .mp4 but don't know how, you can find my instructions here.

4. Fright Night Club Scene, 1985 version: Here's another of those cases where I had to use a remix because the original video has disappeared. The shots in the remix are out of order, but at least the video is high quality. Plus, you get to see some nice bits from other parts of the movie. Nothing beats the club scene itself, though.

3. Eve's Virginity Test: Here's a clip from The Lair of the White Worm by famously wacko director Ken Russell. There's some extraneous stuff before and after the MC scene, but somehow I don't think you'll mind watching it. ;-P

2. Dana Scully's Hypnotic Orgasm: This scene comes from the X-Files episode "The Red and the Black." She's being hypnotically regressed so she can remember an alien abduction, but damned if it doesn't look like she's remembering something else! Unfortunately, there are no clips of the episode itself on YouTube and I've had to settle for dailies. Well, at least they're good enough to show you why this scene pushes my buttons the way it does.

1. Big Trouble in Little China: When the Calliduses visited me, we quickly agreed that "Big Trouble in Little China" is the right answer to anything. Best exploding heads of the 1980's? Big Trouble in Little China. Least convincing straight character in a fantasy film? Big Trouble in Little China. Shortest Neanderthal hockey player in the Brazilian league? Big Trouble in Little China. Anyway, if you're reading this blog, chances are you've already discovered that scene for yourself....and also that scene, and that one. At the moment (no guarantees how long this will last), you can watch the whole movie on YouTube with great quality video but out-of-synch audio (thankfully not much of an issue with that scene) and subtitles. Blogger won't let me embed it here while simultaneously starting the video at the right point, so you have two paths to choose from. If you want to jump over to YouTube and start at the right point, click here. Alternately, if you want to watch from here and scroll to the right point on your own, just enjoy the following pictures on the way down, then pick up the action at 1:07:25.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Freaky sex with a side of MC

...and some body-horror, for those of you like me who enjoy that sort of thing. I might or might not have had this scene subconsciously in mind when I wrote Hoarder.

This story, though, is American Gods, which I'm currently rereading. As I was enjoying the scene below, it struck me how perfectly appropriate it is for this blog.

If you haven't read the novel, all you need to know is that in modern America, the ancient gods of the Old World are near-powerless because they're deprived of worship. They make ends meet in different ways as determined by their temperaments. Bilquis turns  tricks.

All ellipses below are in the original text. I'm not leaving anything out.

Now buckle your seatbelts and enjoy....

He unbuttons his blue jeans and removes his olive T-shirt. She massages his white shoulders with her brown fingers; then she turns him over and begins to make love to him with her hands, and her fingers, and her tongue.

It seems to him that the lights in the red room have been dimmed, and the sole illumination comes from the candle, which burns with a bright flame.

"What's your name?" he asks her.

"Bilquis," she tells him, raising her head. "With a Q."

"A what?"

"Never mind."

He is gasping now. "Let me fuck you," he says. "I have to fuck you."

"Okay, hon," she says. "We'll do it. But will you do something for me, while you're doing it?"

"Hey," he says, suddenly tetchy. "I'm paying you, you know."

She straddles him, in one smooth movement, whispering, "I know, honey. I know, you're paying me, and I mean, look at you. I should be paying you, I'm so lucky..."

He purses his lips, trying to show that her hooker talk is having no effect on him, he can't be taken; that she's a street whore, for Chrissakes, while he's practically a producer, and he knows all about last-minute ripoffs, but she doesn't ask for money. Instead she says, "Honey, while you're giving it to me, while you're pushing that big hard thing inside of me, will you worship me?"

"Will I what?"

She is rocking back and forth on him: the engorged head of his penis is being rubbed against the wet lips of her vulva.

"Will you call me goddess? Will you pray to me? Will you worship me with your body?"

He smiles. Its that all she wants? We've all got our kinks, at the end of the day. "Sure," he says. She reaches her hand between her legs and slips him inside her.

"Is that good, is it, goddess?" he asks, gasping.

"Worship me, honey," says Bilquis, the hooker.

"Yes," he says, "I worship your breasts and your hair and your cunt. I worship your thighs and your eyes and your cherry-red lips..."

"Yes..." she croons, riding him.

"I worship your nipples, from which the milk of life flows. Your kiss is honey and your touch scorches like fire, and I worship it." His words are becoming more rhythmic now, keeping pace with the thrust and roll of their bodies. "Bring me your lust in the morning, and bring me relief and your blessing in the evening. Let me walk in dark places unharmed and let me come to you once more and sleep beside you and make love with you again. I worship you with everything that is within me, and everything inside my mind, with everywhere I've been and my dreams and my..." he breaks off, panting for breath. "What are you doing? That feels amazing. So amazing..." and he looks down at his hips, at the place where the two of them conjoin, but her forefinger touches his chin and pushes his head back, so he is looking only at her face and at the ceiling once again.

"Keep talking, honey," she says. "Don't stop. Doesn't it feel good?"

"It feels better than anything has ever felt," he tells her, meaning it as he says it. "Your eyes are stars, burning in the, shit, the firmament, and your lips are gentle waves that lick the sand, and I worship them," and now he's thrusting deeper and deeper insider her; he feels electric, as if his whole lower body has become sexually charged: priapic, engorged, blissful.

"Bring me your gift," he mutters, no longer knowing what he is saying, "your one true gift, and make me always this...always so...I pray...I..."

And then the pleasure crests into orgasm, blasting his mind into void, his head and self and entire being a perfect blank as he thrusts deeper into her and deeper still...

Eyes closed, spasming, he luxuriates in the moment; and then he feels a lurch, and it seems to him that he is hanging, head down, although the pleasure continues.

He opens his eyes.

He thinks, grasping for thought and reason again, of birth, and wonders, without fear, in a moment of perfect postcoital clarity, whether what he sees is some kind of illusion.

This is what he sees:

He is inside her to the chest, and as he stares at this in disbelief and wonder she rests both hands upon his shoulders and puts gentle pressure on his body.

He slipslides further insider her.

"How are you doing this to me?" he asks, or he thinks he asks, but perhaps it is only in his head.

"You're doing it, honey," she whispers. He feels the lips of her vulva, tight around his upper chest and back, constricting and enveloping him. He wonders what this would look like to somebody watching them. He wonders why he is not scared. And then he knows.

"I worship you with my body," he whispers, as she pushes him inside her. Her labia pull slickly across his face, and his eyes slip into darkness.

She stretches on the bed, like a huge cat, and then she yawns. "Yes," she says. "You do."

*The image above, of course, is by H. R. Giger.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Two Neils and Some Smut

I've thought for some time that the coolest name anyone could give a male child is Neil/Neal. Just think about it: Neil Gaiman, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Neil Stephenson, Neil Patrick Harris....the list goes on and on. If you want your son to be awesome, just name him Neil.

So anyway, I just happened across this delightful interview with Neils Gaiman and deGrasse Tyson - who, being the wacky and wonderful souls they are, promptly start talking about venereal disease. For the full effect, you should watch the video before reading on.

Okay, now, if you're like me, you're suddenly curious to know more about the Earl of Rochester. I've just done a bit of googling and turned up several quite entertaining X-rated poems. These are the two most accessible for non-poetry geeks:

The Imperfect Enjoyment (spoiler: it's about premature ejaculation)
Signior Dildo (This one should be obvious)

As always, enjoy!

P.S.: If you really want to know more about Rochester, you can always rent this.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

How many ways can you describe an orgasm?

The more erotica I write, the more of a challenge it is to find new ways of describing sexual climax. I can write about pulsing, throbbing, bells and gongs, feelings of electricity, fireworks, the mind going white, falling into an abyss, a flower blooming (That's one from my upcoming "Sleepwalkers"). Then, for men, I can add in guns and clubs and towers. But there has to be more, doesn't there?

I'm not talking about words for body parts (like "pussy" or "cock" or Ulorin Vex's adorable "ladyflower"), or about euphemisms for the sex act (like Shakespeare's "making the beast with two backs"). I'm talking about metaphors. Analogies. Poetry. How many different ways can you describe an orgasm? Feel free to leave ideas in the comments below this post. If I use any of them, I'll be sure to give you credit.

Then again, if you don't feel like commenting, at least you can enjoy these not-so-subtle metaphors. The art is by Hajime Sorayama, the song is by Cracker, and the skit is by Monty Python. It's an odd mashup, but I think it works. ;-)