New cover, free book

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Did I forget to post a notice about Union, Reunion here?

I've just changed the cover, and when I went looking for the original post, I couldn't find it.

At the same time, I also redid the cover for "A Tenpack of Trixies," so tell you what. I'll give you 25% off coupons for both e-books, good for one month. Feel free to share the codes with anyone you think might like the books.

Here's the code for Union, Reunion at Smashwords: ZH73V

And here's the code for A Tenpack of Trixies at Smashwords: JW52V

Lovecraftian musings...and art

Recently the students at the Rhode Island School of Design were issued a challenge, to illustrate some of H.P. Lovecraft's scariest scenes and monsters. At left is what I consider to be the best of their efforts, a Shoggoth painted by Craig J. Spearing that IMO is just begging to become a book cover. But there are lots of other goodies at this website, which it's only fair to say I found through io9. Dagon looks pretty awesome, too; as does a creature I feel sure the judge misidentified when he guessed it was a ghast (IMO, it's clearly a denizen of Innsmouth).

Anyway, looking at these images makes me think of the difficulty in turning creatures this squicky into subjects of mind control erotica. You can go the route Tabico and I did in The Icky-Squicky Spider, intentionally using the horror to illustrate the depth of the MC; or you can go the route I tried in Octopus Vulgaris, trying to find something beautiful amidst the squick. I doubt Lovecraft ever found anything beautiful in his creatures, and I have no idea if I succeeded or not. But I do know it's easier to make these things beautiful with words rather than images. Some of the student art I linked to above is funny, but the only one I'd call beautiful (Chun Lo's Dhole) looks more like something from an SF novel than anything from Lovecraft's mythology.

No, let's face it: if you ever saw one of Lovecraft's monstrosities in real life, it would be squicky, not beautiful at all. That's part of what I hinted at in Union, Reunion, when Allie has a moment, after submitting to the lake monster, where's she's hurting and horrified and thinks, "It's not supposed to be like this." That bit actually came from a dream of mine: a dream in which I submitted to a Lovecraftian monster and it was cold and slimy and painful, not pleasurable at all. The pleasure only came after I was "converted," which brings me back to the motivation of "The Icky-Squicky Spider."

I don't know; maybe you have to turn to Clark Ashton Smith if you want beautiful MC-monsters. I still recommend The Maze of Maal-Dweb, for all its overwrought prose. In fact, I recommend almost anything by Smith - and you can find it online at The Eldritch Dark.

But this was meant to be a post about Lovecraft, so I guess I've strayed a bit. I hope you don't mind. ;-) And I hope some of you will respond to these musings. Do you find anything beautiful, anything erotic, in any of Lovecraft's monstrosities? Do you have to reconfigure them in your mind, in order to do so? Or do you just separate your horror from your erotica entirely?

This is not your Wednesday blog entry

It's just a little something extra. After following this link showcasing the 20 scariest movies of all time (just one person's opinion, I guess, but that person has spot-on opinions) I couldn't help marveling that I've seen and/or read the novels behind nineteen of the twenty, the exception being Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. What does that say about me, eh?

Well, one thing I should say is that when I was writing my Peek Beneath the Duct Tape on Union, Reunion, I totally forgot to credit Evil Dead. It's an obvious influence, of course, but so far Sam Raimi's lawyers haven't sued me for failing to cite my sources. ;-)

My own early (unknowning) attempts at Giger

Hunting for and posting Giger pics made me think about some of my own old artwork, which was usually science fiction-ish - and a hell of a lot kinkier than I realized at the time. I was somewhere around 10 or 11 when I drew the pics in this post: old enough to know the facts of life, but not old enough to have much conscious interest in them. My unconscious, on the other hand...well, see for yourself!

I still remember showing this first drawing to a child psychologist whom I was seeing in the wake of my parents' divorce. He said he saw a lot of sexual imagery in there, like fallopian tubes in the alien's antennae and a vagina in the middle of its chest; but I just pooh-poohed him. These days, I still dispute the fallopian tube analysis, but only because the antennae look more like open legs to me. I guess the alien can't spread her lower extremities, so she's spreading her mind instead. And after all, isn't that the story of my life? ;-P Strangely enough, though, even at that age, I had the idea that while the alien was friendly, whomever she was offering her fruit to might not understand.

Now let me share a few more pictures from that same time period - not because I think they're great art, but just to show you what my subconscious mind was getting up to while my consciousness was looking the other way. You might recognize the fish-eating seaweed on the left as an early inspiration for the lake monster in Union, Reunion. As for the woman on the right, well, what can I say? ;-P

A Peek Beneath the Duct Tape: "Union, Reunion"

First of all, as many of you noticed, Allie is very much me. Yes, all of my protagonists are more or less me; but Allie is me to a larger extent than any of the others because a lot of this story is based on fact. More than you might think.

I really did belong to a sorority in college, and I really have had a few reunions with some of my former sisters. I came out to a couple of them before the first get-together because they were the two I knew would accept me, and I came out to the whole group at our final gathering. I didn't know then that it would be the final gathering; but for some reason, after it was all over, we agreed that we were beginning to feel awkward with each other and didn't care to meet again. To this day, I have no idea how much of that awkwardness was due my revelation; but it really hurts to think that might have played a part. I'm sure you can see that hurt, and that anger, playing out in my story.

Dianne was based on two different sisters, only one of whom came to the real reunions - and that one was totally supportive of me, I hasten to add. I made story-Dianne's reactions ambiguous just to heighten the drama. I don't know how my readers interpreted the things she said and did, but to me, they were ambiguous. I like the women she's based on far too much to make Dianne a "bad guy." I wanted her to be someone whose opinion really would matter to Allie, someone you could root for to escape.

The idea of Dianne's escaping, by the way, occurred to me well after I'd begun the story. I think it's a much better ending than the one I'd originally planned, which was the one you would all have guessed ahead of time. ;-) I hope I gave you a pleasant surprise when Allie let her go.

Of the other characters, only Tonya is based on a real person: someone I hope really did mellow later in life. Shannon and Mary Katherine represent different parts of myself, as I'm sure some of you realized. After all, I've explained many times how my fetish ties in with my growing up as the "good little girl" and wanting both a way out of that trap and a way deeper in.

Speaking of good little girls, some of my readers will have noticed that "Union, Reunion" might as well have been titled "Raging Id." This story gave me every chance I could have asked for to let my darkest passions fly free, and they really enjoyed it.

And now it's Easter egg time again. Looking at the artwork that accompanies this blog entry, I'm sure you can see where I got the idea for the vines around the cabin...but do you recognize the artist? I've blogged about him a couple of times before: Zdzisław Beksiński. There's a reason that road sign in the first chapter was missing a letter. ;-)

Of course, I've dropped a few other Easter eggs into the story, too; but I'll let you find those on your own. ;-P

Things you find when you're not looking

The other night I was poking around in my folder of saved Kumi Monster photos when I came across the image at left and wondered why the hell I didn't remember it, since it's just so freaking gorgeous.

Well, naurally, I then had to flip through all the images in that folder, just to see what other goodies I'd forgotten about. Below are a few of the best. Fortunately, each one already had a URL on it (though you have to look closely to see the one on the gel-head pic) so I don't even have to provide you with any extra links.

Just think of this as a little something to tide you over till the finale of "Union,Reunion" next weekend. ;-P

mind change

Last weekend I said I'd finished the rough draft of "Union, Reunion," and that I intended to send Simon the first chapter this week and post another chapter each week until it was all online. Well, now I've changed my mind...but I think you'll like the new version better.

A few days later I realized that since I'd already posted the rough draft of the first chapter on my blog (twice, actually), my regular readers would have to wait two weeks to read anything really new. Plus, posting a chapter a week would mean my finale debuted right before Christmas, and a lot of people might be on vacation and not have any computer access. So in the end, I decided to send chapters one and two off to Simon for posting this weekend. Chapter three will go up the weekend of December 12, and then everyone will be happy.

BTW, has anyone else noticed that I tend to start my titles with letters near the end of the alphabet, like S, or in this case U? It's not a big issue, but it does mean that my stories are always near the bottom of the "What's New" list and don't get read very quickly. And I do like feedback. ;-P

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

I feel pretty and witty and gay, yes I do! Pretty, because just look what I'm working with. ;-) Witty, because I've finished the rough draft of "Union, Reunion" and have managed to tickle even even myself with the Easter egg I threw into the final section of the final chapter.* And gay, because...well, that one should be obvious. ;-)

There will be three chapters in all. I'll probably send the first one off to Simon sometime next week and follow my usual pattern of adding one in each update afterwards until I'm done.

*Here. Now don't say I never gave you nothin'.

trying to believe it's a *good* thing

My internet cable connection is semi-fucked up, so right now I never know if what I'm trying to access or do will go through. Still, that didn't stop me from writing a long, gabby e-mail response to my latest collaborator last night. I get so excited about mind-melding with my favorite EMC authors.

Plus, I'm about 90% finished with the rough draft of "Union, Reunion," and knowing that surfing the internet right now is more trouble than it's worth gives me incentive to stay off it and just write. Maybe. Anyway, I am planning to finish the rough draft by this weekend.

Oh, and BTW, the cable technician is coming to fix my connection later this week. I should be back to normal (well, as normal as I ever am) in time for the weekend.

Whee! Brainstorm!

Funny the things that come to me during my drive home from work each day...like an entirely new ending to the story I'm in the middle of writing. That's a first for me, since I normally plan everything out pretty thoroughly before starting to write, and I don't deviate much from that plan once I start. But the new and improved ending for "Union, Reunion" is going to knock you for an exciting loop.

I hope.

Anyway, I'm very excited about it. I can't wait to write that scene. :-)

Goodies *for* me, goodies *from* me

Let's start with the goodies for me, because they're really goodies for you, too. I found a couple of exciting new offerings on the EMCSA today: one from Jukebox and one from Lady K.

I'm so glad Jukebox has been branching out into longer works lately. His short pieces are like scrumptious bite-sized morsels, but a longer story from him is a three-course meal. It gives him time to develop the kinds of characters and situations that draw me in really deeply, time to set up the connections and call-backs that satisfy right down to my core. And the ending of Criminal was indeed deeply satisfying for me. It was exactly the ending I'd hoped for, but didn't dare hope for too much, because I felt sure I'd be disappointed. Nope. Good ol' Jukebox hit my subfetish button square and center with that one. :-D And everything he wrote leading up to that ending was just as much fun. There's a bit of hamminess in this story, but it's entirely deliberate; and it makes a lovely contrast with the stark/dark gray of Yelena's pre-Stradivarius existence. But that's all I really need to say about that story, I think. I'll leave you to discover the rest on your own.

So, then, on to Lady K. She told me some time ago that she was writing a novella-length prequel to The Anlorgash Incident, and I've been eagerly waiting to see it on the EMCSA. Fortunately, today marks the debut of the first two chapters of Ahn-L'or G'ash. They're short and sweet (well, squicky sweet), and Lady K doesn't waste any time putting her Lovecraftian lake monster onstage front and center. She's setting up some lovely serial recruitment opportunities here, and I can guess at least one person who's on the short list! This will be a fun series to watch develop, and since Lady K has already finished writing it, hoping for a new chapter each week might not be unrealistic of me.

But speaking of Lovecraftian lake monsters, I actually have something similar in mind for my upcoming "Union, Reunion." I'm reminded a little of what happened when I posted my Avatar the same week Tabico finished Pea, and how I discovered trilby else's Fruition immediately afterwards. It was like we'd all tuned in to the same EMC wavelength without realizing it. Fortunately, my lake monster won't be the central baddie in "Union, Reunion"; it'll just feature in a single scene. And the fact that I haven't written that scene yet gives me a chance to make sure my creature isn't too much like Lady K's...which shouldn't be hard, considering where my story is headed. Besides, there's always room in the world for another lake monster, isn't there?

But I've teased you enough. Even though the lake monster scene isn't written yet, I have finished the first chapter of "Union, Reunion" in rough draft form. I posted the first half of it on my blog back in May, but considering the pace at which the story is progressing, I think I owe you another sneak peek today. Just to keep you interested, you know. ;-) And because I've polished that first half quite a bit since posting it (including changing several names) I think it's best if I just give you the whole chapter from start to finish, right here. Maybe you can find at least one of those Easter eggs now. ;-)

I had a dream

Regular readers of my blog and/or my fetish erotica know I get a lot of inspiration from my dreams. The subconscious is a powerful tool in so many ways, not least of which is creating erotic images that resonate on several levels at once. Many of my best EMC stories began as dreams. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that gave me an image far too rich and sexy to ignore. Fortunately, that image fits just perfectly into my next story!

I'm still working on "Union, Reunion" and plan to write the scene with the dream image later this weekend. So, in preparation, I'll tell you my whole dream from start to finish...and if any of you weren't convinced of how deeply twisted my brain is, this will tell you everything you need to know.

I dreamed I was in a school building with some friends, and we were taking a boat trip down a long hall that had a river instead of a floor. The further we traveled, the deeper the water grew; and soon I noticed fruit floating on top of it: blackberries, which are my favorite kind of berry. The further we went, the more blackberries there were, and the bigger they became.

The boat stopped a few feet short of a rope that was strung across the hall, the kind of rope that separates the shallow end of a pool from the deep end. I knew that beyond that rope the water was really deep. Ocean deep. The blackberries were so huge and so thick here that I couldn't see the water at all.

I got out of the boat and floated on the blackberries, then picked one of them up. It was the size and shape of a bell pepper, the kind that's convex at the bottom rather than concave, so that it looks something like a human heart. I bit into it. It was delicious; and the juice ran down my chin and neck, staining my shirt. My friends told me that there were even bigger berries beyond the rope, but I was perfectly happy where I was.

Then I noticed that there was something else floating on the water right up against the rope: lacy panties. They were very pretty and perfectly dry, and I wondered if there were any in my size. Practically the first pair I picked up was my size, and I stuffed the panties in my pocket to take back with me.

Pretty strange, huh? And there are two things that make it even stranger: in almost all of my dreams involving food or clothes, I can't taste the food and I can't find any clothing in my size. So this was just an all-around deeply satisfying dream, and you can expect to find the giant blackberry satisfying me again in "Union, Reunion." ;-)

Oh, and one final thought: if I'm writing the kind of stuff I'm writing now, from safely on the near side of the rope, imagine what my fiction might be like if I ever crossed the line!

So...about last night

As promised, here's your follow-up post on my latest experiment with Virtual Hypnotist. But first, let me explain why last night turned out not to be the best night for testing a new iteration of my Bedtime session.

Much as I tried to avoid it, I was finally roped into watching that horrible not-a-real-vampire-movie-dammit Twilight, thanks to my beloved. *sigh* The things we do for love. Fortunately, she got bored with it almost as quickly as I did, and we only ended up watching about the first two thirds and then the conclusion. But I did find one moment of humor early on, when Bella told Edward that she didn't like cold, wet things and he laughed uncomfortably. I know he wasn't really thinking of this, but it was fun to imagine that he was. ;-P

Anyway, between turning in much later than usual and having a head full of sparkly faux vampires, I wasn't in the best frame of mind to reach new levels of brainless bliss. I tried again with the morning session not too long ago, and I didn't go as deep as I did yesterday (I'd love for someone to explain the factors that influence how deep you go on different days - any takers?), but I still had a very nice time. And in between last night and this morning, I came up with several tweaks to get more out of the new ideas. I'm still planning to post a new version of the Bedtime session on my Ono Udont page somewhere down the line, so stay tuned.

Oh, and one other thing: I'm back to writing "Union, Reunion" again and have some great scenes in mind.

Real vampires - in *Florida*??? It's gotta be Fark.

Yep, that's where I found the link to this very interesting article. Funny how these self-described real-life vampires seem to share a lot of the same fashion fetishes as me. And what would happen if I visited their club?

Oh, I know what you're thinking: I'd be easy pickings, especially if any of them were into hypno play. But what you don't know is that I've been fantasizing about vampires for as long as I've been fantasizing about mind control - and my vamp fantasies were more about biting than being bitten.

Yes, I have to confess: I've often fantasized about being or becoming a vampire. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? After all, the vampire is the classic outsider (who just happens to have all kinds of mysterious powers); and vampire fetishism gave me an outlet to explore my sexual fantasies in a "safer" way than MC did, back when I was still worried about that kind of thing.

So, why haven't I written a vampire story for the EMCSA yet? Funny you should ask (You didn't? Well, let's just pretend you did.). The fact is, up until recently, I didn't think I had anything new or interesting to add to this overworked genre. But then someone shared a picture with me that sparked an idea, and now I think I've come up with an all-new take on the classic vampire tale.

Or maybe not. Anyway, the results should be interesting.

First, though I have to finish polishing the final chapter of My Very Own Serial Number, then post it; and then it's back to "Union, Reunion." So the vamp story won't happen for awhile...but I am planning on it. Ohhh, yessss. I'm planning on it. :-)

Many plates spinning...again

It's been a busy few weeks for me, and not least because of my absolutely fucking insane job. And my brain is also boiling over with all kinds of interesting ideas and no place to pour them out. But I've got some vacation coming up, and in the meantime, I'm doing what I can to relax on the weekends - which means writing as much as hanging out with my beloved. She knows what a flaming introvert I am, and she's been wonderfully understanding. Thank God.

So, here's where things stand right now.

"Union, Reunion" is still go, but I've shifted it to the back burner for a few weeks while the newer story I've been hinting about cooks more quickly. That one (the title of which I'll now reveal to be "My Own Personal Serial Number") has turned into a three-parter, and I just finished the second chapter today. I don't know if anyone else will feel the same as I do, but to my mind, this chapter contains some of the hottest MC fetishism I've ever written.

Meanwhile, I've been experimenting with the "grok tunnel" setting of Virtual Hypnotist; and if all goes well, I'll probably debut another two-optioned session on Wednesday. I want to create public versions of my daily morning session, with all the strictly personal bits removed and room left for others to customize the suggestions as they like. This pair of sessions will be fetishy and sinister but not X-rated; and one of the options will have the grok tunnel, while the other will have the usual spirals and subliminals.

On a related note, I haven't forgotten my promise to write up the "Virtual Hypnotist 101-105" blog entries as a structured tutorial. In fact, I have a lot more to add to that tutorial now, since I've done more experimenting, so this will be a fairly large project. I plan to start work on it tonight and continue in bits and pieces for as long as it takes. Probably I'll do the bulk of it during my vacation, but you never know.

Mmmm...so relaxed

No, the image at left doesn't have anything to do with my current state of mind; it's just something I rediscovered in one of my fetish folders several days ago, while searching for something else. I had already planned to post it with this morning's entry, which was going to be about a different topic; and now that I've changed my mind (for the moment - the other entry might show up here later), I figured, why waste such a delicious image? The source of this one, if you want to see more, is latex fashion site HW Design.

But back to the topic at hand. This past week has been pretty depressing for me, for a number of different reasons, so I've decided to pamper myself today and tomorrow. Today I started by reconfiguring my morning hypnosis program to let me just lie back in the chair and relax for as long as I felt like relaxing, after I'd finished the morning suggestions. So I lay there for about 45 minutes. And then I had the idea of going back to that site where I found the binaural beats and trying out the delta binaurals for awhile. I had only listened to that recording very briefly before, but I remembered that delta is supposed to induce a state of dreamless sleep and sometimes even give the listener an out-of-body experience. Well, I didn't go to sleep or have an OOBE. But I did have an incredibly, luxuriously relaxing experience. In fact, when the audio finished, I had to run the morning wakener all over again.

Oh, and while I was relaxing after the morning suggestions, and then on into the delta experiment, I began toying idly but productively with a new story idea. Now, I'm already deeply involved with "Union, Reunion," but that's turning out to be a multi-parter; and this new idea might be something I can dash off fairly quickly. We'll see. It's certainly a yummy idea, anyway. It's practically begging to be written.

Guess which one of these is my favorite

I first found this sextet of pictures on Ulorin Vex's blog, then saw that she'd linked to an article and more pics over at The Fetishistas (Scroll down the page a little, and you'll see Bianca Beauchamp in a delightful latex update of Uhura's Star Trek uniform).

Just for once, Ulorin Vex is not my favorite model in a composite picture. Nope, it's the lady at top right, with her lace muzzle feeding my "voicelessness" fetish so exquisitely.

In fact, her mask gives me a solution to a puzzle that's stumped me for a long, long time. Several years ago, while playing around with the images that would eventually coalesce into Someday My Prince Will Come, I thought that it would be cool to dress my thrall in one of those all-enveloping burkas that women in Afghanistan were forced to wear under the Taliban. Only my burka would be translucent - everywhere except for the face mask. I thought that would be so shudderingly, deliciously depersonalizing. But I also knew it would be an extremely inflammatory and offensive image for many people. So I wrestled with whether or not to use it for quite some time. Then I saw a photo of real women in Afghanistan, post-Taliban, but still wearing those very same garments. And I knew I just couldn't write the story that way.* So I ended up wrapping my thrall in loose gauze instead.

But now, looking at the model above, I'm thinking that lace might be an excellent way around the problem. Maybe I'll work it into a story, somewhere down the line. There's no place for it in "Union, Reunion" (I don't think; that could change), but maybe later....

* For reasons I am intentionally leaving unspoken. I mean no offense to any Muslims who might read this blog...well, any more offense than I've probably already given.

thrall's latest strip-tease

This is a special gift to those of you who haven't bothered with Virtual Hypnotist, but have stuck by my blog anyway while I've yammered on about it these last few weeks. I can't say I'll never post about VH again, but I do want to make it up to the folks who followed me here because of my EMCSA stories. Yes, I'm back to writing erotic MC again - and still feeling unusually self revelatory, even for me. Thus the title above. ;-)

The story itself will be titled (unless I come up with something better) "Union, Reunion." Below are the opening paragraphs, still very much in rough draft form - which does make displaying them feel very much like stripping, to me. But I owe you something.

So see if you can guess where this story is heading. I've already dropped a couple of Easter eggs into the mix, which would tell you a lot, if only you could spot them. But they're not very obvious...yet. Perhaps, looking back on the finished product afterwards, you might catch on. ;-)

---

Union, Reunion

by thrall

I couldn't stop staring at Dianne. All the way up into the Appalachian Mountains, across the Blue Ridge Parkway, and on through the rugged heights of George Washington National Forest, I kept stealing glance after furtive glance at my favorite college crush. Of course, I hadn't known Dianne was a crush back in college. I'd told myself she was my sorority sister and a dear friend. A particularly attractive friend. Nothing more.

I'd been out of college for ten years before I came out to myself, but once I did, my mind kept circling back and back and back to Dianne. Dianne, who'd been everything I could have wanted in a mate, if only I hadn't been too busy chasing guys to notice.

Not that it would have made any difference, of course. Dianne was happily straight then, and just as hppily straight today. In fact, she was married now. They were all married, or had been, except for me.

Ten more years had passed since my great revelation, and I'd only recently decided that, hell, I really would like to see Dianne again. Google found her for me in a matter of minutes, and she was delighted to get my e-mail. Unfortunately, in her cheerful ignorance, she suggested that we try to round up some more Eta Pi Lambdas for a mini-reunion.

What could I do but play along? Besides, it wasn't like I had any real hope of hooking up with Dianne in the way I most desired. And it would be nice just to see her again; to see if she was still as smart and sexy as I remembered; to see if just possibly...just maybe....

No. I was too much of a realist to believe it could actually happen, even before she e-mailed me a current picture of herself. She was just as gorgeous as ever, and she was blissfully clinging to a man just as gorgeous as she was. I tried not to wonder if she was truly as happy as she appeared, and just to look forward to meeting her as a friend. Her and the other five she'd been able to round up on short notice.

We met in Charlottesville, where we'd gone to college, and where Leslie still kept a home. Leslie owned several houses now, thanks to her fortuitous choice of major in the late '80's. The rest of us had looked at what passed for computers in those days and looked quickly away, wondering what anyone could ever see in those cryptic, buzzing boxes. But Leslie had seen the future. Fortunately for us, that enabled her to play hostess to the rest of us, inviting her ex-sisters up to the mountain retreat she'd purchased four months earlier. She'd only had time to renovate a couple of the two dozen cabins, but two cabins was one more than we needed. We planned to party like college girls and gab all weekend long.

Besides Leslie, Dianne had managed to track down Mary Katherine, a sweet, studious college student who'd grown into a sweet, studious adult - without, as far as I could tell, gaining a single pound. Chelsea and Angie hadn't been so lucky, but then, they'd each had a kid. And Chelsea was divorced now: a revelation that gave me quiet delight. She'd always been such a bitch in college; I was less surprised that her husband had left her than that she'd found anyone willing to marry her in the first place. Sara's divorce, though, was a surprise to me. She and her ex had met my freshman year, and they'd hardly left one another's sight from that point onward. I wondered what had happened between them, but so far, Becca hadn't offered any details.

A stranger peering into the rental van wouldn't have marked me as any different from the other six. I'd gained weight since college, too, but I still looked just as white-bread and ladylike as ever, and the stranger wouldn't necessarily notice my lack of a wedding ring.

The other six had asked me about that, but I'd had long practice with twisting words to suit my needs. I just said I hadn't found the right man to marry yet, and they left it at that. Thank goodness. Part of me wanted to tell them, because part of me always wants to tell. But most of me was just too scared of being rejected. Even after ten years of accepting myself as a lesbian, I still hadn't grown a thick enough skin to resist the jabs of homophobes. And these women, whether or not they were homophobes, were my friends. Or, well, my ex-and-maybe-once-again friends. I just didn't care to risk it.

I looked around the van again, taking in the frosted hair, the manicured nails, the casually expensive jewelry. Only Angie didn't look the part of a former sorority girl, but she'd come from the country to college, then gone right back again. We were a pretty homogeneous group, then and now. The closest Eta Pi Lambda had ever come to diversifying was Mary Katherine. Just a bunch of clones, I thought, and smiled to myself, imagining how little it would take to reduce us to nude, mindwiped drones - just like the kind I so loved to write about. Homogeneous, that was us. And I was the most "homo" of all. I pressed my lips together around a giggle.

The Appalachians in early summer were a maze of cool, green caves and darkly looming rock faces. The trees allowed only glimpses of the panoramas beyond, except in a few select spots that the National Forest Service had studiously marked with road signs. At least one of us (usually Angie and/or Mary Katherine) had to take a picture at every one of them. Dianne and I shot each other many a wry glance or an eye roll at the frequent stops...when the cameras weren't turned on us, anyway.

Somewhere beyond the national forest, in the depths (heights?) of Highland County, we saw the first sign for Beck's Peak. The "C" had dropped off the brown background, and Leslie groaningly explained that the county had promised to have it fixed before she opened for business next year. I remembered what she'd told us via e-mail about this area being lightly populated and little visited, and I wondered if she'd used up her entire stock of business acumen in picking a major. How did she ever expect to draw tourists out here?

I kept on wondering that, right up to the moment we turned that final corner. Suddenly we found ourselves near the bottom of a smooth, green bowl, roughly a mile square and cracked wide at the opposite end, revealing a jaw-dropping range of distant peaks. A lake of perfect midnight blue spread across the bottom of the bowl, and around the lake stood twenty-four cabins: twenty weather-beaten almost to pulp, and two gleamingly restored in what Leslie assured us was the original style. She said she'd found pictures of the old camp in a newspaper article but teasingly refused to say more.

No problem, I thought to myself, remembering a host of frat parties. Once she gets a little alcohol in her, she'll spill her guts like a pro.