If you build it, they will come

Eventually, I promise, I will get around to sharing that hot-as-fuck vintage EMC story with you. But in the meantime, how could I possibly resist posting this?

Janelle and Tessa love each other - and vaginas in general

 Every new video by Janelle Monae makes me love her more than the last one. This video, "Pynk," comes from her just-released album Dirty Computer. The snippet up above is just a taste of what you'll see if you watch the whole video.

Oh, and if you're wondering where you've seen the lovely, long-haired lass between her legs, that's actress Tessa Thompson, most recently seen in Annihilation and Thor: Ragnarok. There's a lot of online debate about whether they're a couple in real life or just close friends, but they keep tap-dancing around the issue in interviews. I think they get a kick out of teasing us. I don't know the truth any more than you do, but I hope one day we'll see them come out to an event as a couple, dressed to the nines and both looking fabulous.

Until then, at least we have this video - and whole string of other videos costarring Tessa, all from Janelle's new album. You can watch them individually on YouTube ("Django Jane" is my personal favorite, second only this one), or you can watch them all tied together in an "Emotion Picture" with an accompanying storyline about a dystopia where people who don't conform are mind-wiped into placid drones. Janelle plays a woman fighting to resist the brainwashing process; and Tessa plays her already-mind-wiped lover who's now trying to soothe her into allowing it to happen - even as Janelle tries to restore her lover's memories. And if that isn't the perfect setup for an EMC film, then I don't know what is.

I'll link you to the individual video "Pynk" just below this paragraph; and then below "Pynk" I'll embed the entire Emotion Picture (called "Dirty Computer," just like the album). If you do watch the "Dirty Computer" video - and you probably will, whether you meant to or not - be sure to stick around through the credits.

One last thing. I'd warn you that neither of these videos is safe for work, but if you're reading this blog on the job, then you obviously don't care about NSFW tags. ;-)

Kinky elves

I was going to post something more sensible, but I've been sick for a week and a half (which, BTW, is why I didn't post last weekend), and my brain still isn't back to normal...by which I mean "as normal as it ever is." So this is what you get today.

Never mind why, but I've spent the day Googling for Tolkien-related art. I've found some great stuff; and then I've found, well, this sort of thing. The artist clearly has skill, and if she finds my post here, I hope she'll understand that I'm not really making fun of her...well, not entirely. I'm delightfully aghast (which is quite possibly how she meant me to feel anyway). And since I know a lot of my readers are into Tolkien and/or BDSM and/or gay sex, I hope you'll enjoy these pics as much as I did.

And now, without further ado, I present a very non-traditional love story between an Elf and a Dwarf.

They're real, and they're spectacular

I'm still working on my "Choose Your Own Adventure" story, of course (I expect to be working on that for months, but I also plan to publish "Hoarder" in the meantime). One of the places you'll be able to tour is a garden which the aliens are terraforming. Now, since the story is set in the Seychelles, I Googled the flora and fauna of the region so I'd have a realistic starting point. Imagine my astonishment when I came across the images you see in this post.

At left is a seed of the coco de mer tree. This species produces the largest seeds in the world, but as you can tell, they're not exceptional just because of their size.

But wait! There's more! The stamens of the male trees look just as suggestive as the seeds of the female trees - and they're just as large. The whole thing kind of reminds me of the Babel Fish joke from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, where the fish is such an obvious clue to the existence of God that it actually negates God's existence.

Then there's the jellyfish tree. If ever a plant was designed to feature in a tentacle sex story, it's this one. Sadly, it's an endangered species, but at least in my story the aliens have a way to give it an edge on survival.

Finally, here's a clue that you might want to tuck away in your memory until the story gets published: the garden is an interesting place to visit, and depending on where you go, you might have a life-changing experience there...but what's behind the garden could be even more important.

Two Neils and Some Smut

I've thought for some time that the coolest name anyone could give a male child is Neil/Neal. Just think about it: Neil Gaiman, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Neil Stephenson, Neil Patrick Harris....the list goes on and on. If you want your son to be awesome, just name him Neil.

So anyway, I just happened across this delightful interview with Neils Gaiman and deGrasse Tyson - who, being the wacky and wonderful souls they are, promptly start talking about venereal disease. For the full effect, you should watch the video before reading on.



Okay, now, if you're like me, you're suddenly curious to know more about the Earl of Rochester. I've just done a bit of googling and turned up several quite entertaining X-rated poems. These are the two most accessible for non-poetry geeks:

The Imperfect Enjoyment (spoiler: it's about premature ejaculation)
Signior Dildo (This one should be obvious)

As always, enjoy!

P.S.: If you really want to know more about Rochester, you can always rent this.

Count the fetishes

Here's another one of those "look what I found when I wasn't looking for it" things. This is one sculpture from the Fountain of Neptune in Bologna. I found a smaller version of this shot (as well as a side view) on guilty-pleasure site Oddee, then a much larger and more satisfying version of the frontal shot on a blog about a woman's vacation in Italy. I want to give her credit for the image, but at the same time I feel like it would be wrong to link her sweet vanilla blog to mine; so I'll just remind you that Google Is Your Friend (as is Google Image Search).

In the meantime, while Oddee and the sweet vanilla blogger are amazed that this statue lactates, I'm boggled by her total pose, including her outthrust hips, the strap around her midsection, whatever it is she's grinding on, and the suggestion of scales on her legs. I'm imagining an MC story where she's ensnared by Dagon and turned, mid-orgasm, into a living statue.

P.S. re: Hoarder

I swear I found this just now by total coincidence.

Damn, I love Rule 34

Recently I got distracted while poking around on Know Your Meme, but it was worth it. I know a lot of people view Rule 34 images with the same kind of horrified fascination they give train wrecks, but I just think they're funny. Damn funny. That's why I ended up doing a Google Image Search to bring you more of this insanity. Fortunately, I already had the Godzilla/King Kong one, so I can attribute it directly to its originator. Plus, I found a website about yarn fetishists ages ago, so it made a perfect addition this post - especially since it's the only thing on this page that exists in real life (I think). Anyway, if you want to see more people who love total enclosure itchiness,  here you go.

Oh, and just so we're clear, I fully support the knitters' right to laugh at my fetish. In fact, it's kind of fun to think what a "Rule 34: No Exceptions" poster based on a Lovecraftian MC story would look like. Perhaps it could involve that proto-facehugger from Prometheus, eh? Does anyone out there want to give it a go? ;-)

And now for something completely different

I recommend this next clip only for those in both a weird and an indulgent mood, but if you meet the criteria you might get a nice little Lovecraftian MC buzz out of it.

For the last several days I've been having a conversation with my slash-loving email friend about our different tastes in music. I like rock, punk and alternative; she likes musicals from the '50's and '60's. Somehow we got on the subject of an overblown Richard Harris (yes, that Richard Harris) album from 1969 that she described as being incredibly awful. Well, I just had to hear it for myself, so she sent me a link to the following video. What she didn't realize, since she was focused solely on the melodrama, was that I'd actually enjoy it because the lyrics were right up my MC-loving alley. This abomination is called "The Hive" for good reason.

If you choose to listen, just go with the melodrama. Imagine it's Lovecraft himself telling you an Elder Gods story, the kind where he gets increasingly strident until he bangs you over the head with the last sentence by putting it in terrifying italics. Yeah, it's like that. ;-P

This is what it's like to have my brain

Maybe you've already seen the video below; it's the latest viral hit (I saw it on io9, myself). According to marine biologists, the answer to your inevitable question of "What the fucking blue hell is that thing?" is, it's a rare kind of jellyfish. But here's what I think, when I look at something like this.

Right from the get-go, I know it has to be an Old One; and since it's in the ocean, that narrows it down (mostly) to Cthulhu and Dagon. Then again, it could be a minion. The point it, this is definitely a Lovecraftian monster, and that means all kind of unspeakable horrors...and, if your mind works like mine, speakable kink.

Now, since I'm such a fan of EMC, my next thought is that it's obviously a Lovecraftian monster designed to MC unsuspecting divers. Obviously, it billows like that to mesmerize its prey.

At this point, my old-school-Stephen-King-fan joins the party, reminding me of an short story called (IIRC) "The Raft." In it, a group of teenagers gets stuck on a wooden raft in the middle of a lake, corralled by some sort of oil-slick-like monster that tries to lure them into its clutches with flickering lights. In one of the few scenes I still remember, a pretty girl is leaning over the edge of the raft, staring right into the predator's metaphorical eyes but too far gone to realize what she's doing.

Sadly, King's monster only kills its victims. But the video below makes me think of all kinds of other possibilities. Maybe this Lovecraftian monster embraces its prey and sucks, not the life, but the will out of them. Then perhaps it coats them in its own squicky effluence, creating a sort of Cthulhian pearl. Something that appeals to its own very specialized sense of aesthetics.

After that, the only question remaining is whether the monster hoards its pearls in some deep-sea treasure hold, or whether it sends them back to the surface to lure more recruits.

But why don't you answer that question for yourself?

Just because

Negative red

Last night I had a dream so weird (and wonderfully MC-tinged) that I just had to blog about it.

It started at some kind of convention/festival thing with my mother dragging me off to a side room to chew me out for not being polite enough. But then I noticed what looked like a paper-mache sculpture in the floor. It was human-shaped, done up in a variety of colors (mostly purple), and mostly submerged in water that was full of more paper scraps. I got the idea that maybe it was a real person under a spell, and I quickly forgot all about my mother.

I went around a corner and found more human sculptures, including one slumped against a wall with its leg sticking up in a very inviting position. I wondered what would happen if I touched it. So I clasped my hand loosely around the sculpture's ankle and slid slowly down, enjoying the perfect lines of the calf.

The "sculpture" reacted.

I wasn't completely sure of its gender because although its basic shape was male, its calf had a feminine curve. But let's go with male. He leaned toward me until our faces touched and ground his leg up between mine until I had a lovely little orgasm.

At that point I realized I was dreaming and, as I'm prone to do, started brainstorming EMC story ideas based on what I'd just experienced. I imagined a traveling carnival something like the one from Something Wicked This Way Comes, that would lure people in with sex and then transform them into mindless paper-mache sex dolls who'd lure more people in. But of course, the carnival couldn't just abduct people right and left; that would arouse suspicions. No, they'd have to use their toys for a little while and then return them to their homes with post-hypnotic suggestions. Then, when the carnival came back to the area the next year, their victims would be activated, take a few vacation days from work, and travel to a nearby town to serve as sex sculptures. No one would recognize them there, no one would be the wiser, and eventually the whole area would fall under the carnival's spell.

Of course, me being me, I then imagined what it would feel like to be one of those mindless sex sculptures: sitting still and mute as the paper-mache was slathered across my face, blocking my sight, blocking my features, erasing my identity. Making me an it.

Then it was on to one of those notorious school dreams where you find yourself in a classroom but you don't have any books and you don't have any idea what's going on. Normally this dream produces a lot of anxiety for me, but this time the teacher was giving a vocabulary lesson, and I'm confident enough of my own vocabulary that I didn't feel worried about keeping up. So instead I focused on my classmates. At the table in front of me was a group of Japanese kids joking about things no one else understood. For some reason they found the phrase "negative red" to be really, really funny. Behind me was a trio of boys dressed like Walter from The Big Lebowski. Now I realized it was dress-up day at school and I should have worn a costume myself, which made me more embarrassed than not having a vocabulary book. But then a student tagged me in some sort of game and I tagged a Japanese boy...and my alarm went off.

I realize the most interesting part of these dreams, from my readers' point of view, is the MC section - and if anyone feels inclined to write a story based on that bit, go right ahead. Just give me credit for the idea. And be sure to let me read it. ;-P But the thing that struck me most, on waking, was the whole idea of negative red. It's easy to say negative red is just green, but that's not necessarily true, is it? The opposite of red is green, but what's the negative of red? When you think about it, we're almost into Lovecraft territory here. And maybe there's a story in that idea, as well.

The time Matt Bellamy MC'ed Grace Jones

I told you I might get distracted before I got around to posting those Beksinski pictures. ;-)

So, did you know that all the while Matt Bellamy has been ranting about MK Ultra and mind-controlling satellites, he's just been taking the piss? Oh, you did? Good. I did, too. But I didn't know just how he'd been taking the piss until this moment. See, all along, Matt has secretly been one of Them. And what's worse, Dom and Chris are Illuminati as well.

Oh, yes, it's true. I've just found a blogger who put a lot thought and effort into the subject, so I don't dare contradict him. Besides, if I did, he'd just assume I was one more MC'ed drone; and things would only go downhill if I said I wished I was.

I'll give you the link in a second, but first I need to warn you that not everything you'll see there is as much fun as the Grace Jones bit. In fact, I almost didn't blog about this article, because some of the stuff in the middle of it is pretty grim. Real-world grim. But finally I decided to put the link out there and let you all decide what to do with it. You can...

1. Follow the link below and read the whole blog post, understanding that some parts of it will probably upset you,
2. Follow the link below and skip over the upsetting section, which begins with the paragraph about the "Sunburn" video and continues to just above the video of the woman in the red bikini, or
3. Skip the link entirely.

The choice is yours, assuming you're not a victim of MK Ultra, yourself.

Way too awesome not to share

I hadn't planned on blogging today, but how on earth was I supposed to keep the Little Rooster to myself?

via via

I think you *have* to be a fetishist to appreciate this

Behold!

More fun with nudity

Look what I found, barely an hour after my last post about half-naked men. This time they're fully naked, and they're for hire.

Be sure not to miss the final question!

Naked asses and frying chicken: who wins?

In a sense, we all do. ;) But I think the lady with the mostly-nude male harem took home the jackpot. ;P


COCKTAIL TIME! from EIT! on Vimeo.

Skeletor Saves

First, sorry about the lack of a post last Wednesday. Life, you know. :-/ But I hope I can make it up to you with this post - and this link to more jaw-droppers for those of a certain age.

Some artists in New York City are putting on a He-Man themed charity show to benefit a homeless shelter for LGBT youth. If you live in the NYC area, check it out. If not, consider making a donation and/or spreading the word about this extremely worthwhile cause.

Oh, and just for the record, I expect to be fully back on track Wednesday and swamping you with loads of fetishy goodness. ;-)

Hmm, well, umm...

I don't know what to say about this, other than a) it's certainly the prettiest penis I've ever seen, b) it came from Vizerskaya, and c) she's got a female version, too, but you'll have to stop by her blog to see it.

Aaaaand I think I'm done here. O_o

scratch-n-sniff: now in latex scent

Wow. Just wow.