Monday, February 13, 2017

Feedback needed - really

I have three questions to ask you, and I need lots of answers so I can make the right decisions concerning the two e-books I'm working on now. Really, I do need answers, and I need them to be honest answers. So before I ask, remember that I've set up my blog so that you don't need a Google profile to comment, and you can reply in total anonymity. Now, here are the questions.

1. I need (for a story, not in real life) a kind of light source that's rare but not dangerous - something like an LED black light, except that I looked those up and they can damage your eyes. What I'm looking for doesn't have to change the color of the room it's in, but I don't mind if it does. If you know about light sources, what do you suggest?

2. What does it feel like to wear latex, particular a whole catsuit covering face and all? Do you get hot and sweaty? How long can you wear one before you have to take it off? Do you need to be powdered down or lubed up before you get into one?

3. Due to real-life shit storms, it might take me a very long time to write the Transfixed sequel as a Choose Your Own Adventure, which is what I originally planned and what I said I'd do in the "Afterword" section of the book; but I know the people who bought Part 1 are probably annoyed at having to wait so long for a conclusion. So tell me honestly, how would you feel as a reader of Transfixed, Part 1, if I decided to write Part 2 as an ordinary e-book instead? If you haven't read Part 1, just pretend you have and tell me how you'd feel.

Answering these questions will help me complete my next two stories more quickly, so please do answer. Too often I ask for feedback and get nothing.

Thanks, folks.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Pictures to make your mind wander

In between bouts of writing, I've been binging on Cthulhu mythos stories - which in turn, got me rummaging around Deviant Art in search of Old Ones pictures and and whatever else happened to grab my attention. Here's a fraction of the result.

Some of the pictures below became part of the Call of Cthulhu game, and some just stuck in my head because they're hot. But I'm going to refrain, very intentionally, from giving you any context in this blog post. You can imagine whatever scenario fits your fetish; and if you want to know what the artist really intended, you can click the author links at the bottom of this post. The author above left is Dave Palumbo. In the middle, left-to-right, the artists are Jowie Lim, Felicia Cano, and Thaldir.

 I need to say a bit more about the painting at right, by Donato Giancola. He's not a fetishist (although he does like robots and all the other SF/F tropes most of us enjoy); he's just an excellent artist whom I follow because I love his work. I'm including this picture because it perfectly feeds my fetish without even trying. But in fact, Giancola says in his description of the piece that it was inspired by a George R. R. Martin short story called "The Glass Flower." That intrigued me enough to make me buy the e-book (It's just $1.99); and I'm happy report that the story is excellent, it involves possession (I know some of you are into that), and Giancola's picture really is just "inspired by" the story. It doesn't spoil the plot at all. But ohh, does it makes me think of other ways the story could have gone!

Follow these links to find the pictures on Deviant Art:
Dave Palumbo (picture at the top of this post)
Jowie Lim (first of the three pictures in a row)
Felicia Cano (second of the three pictures in a row)
Thaldir (third of the three pictures in a row)
Donato Giancola (final picture)

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Long time no see

If you've been following my blog long enough, you'll have seen this video before - not that I expect you to complain about seeing it again. This is one of my personal-hot-button classics, right up there with Bjork's video for "All Is Full of Love" and Massive Attack/Young Fathers' "Voodoo in my Blood" (which you can look on YouTube if you like, or just wait for me to post again one day. I'm sure I will).

But this time I'm adding a new element to this familiar scorching video. I've figured out a plot which, I think, makes perfect sense considering what we see onscreen. In fact, it might even have been what the director had in mind, if he or she is an MC fetishist.
Let's start with a recap, making note of the most important points. We start with a woman alone at night, locked in a house yet fully visible to the outside world thanks to a wall of solid glass. Locked behind that glass, wearing such a delicate, fluttery gown, she might as well be a fish in an aquarium...but fish get put into aquariums by their owners, people who buy them and display them as mindless ornaments. Our protagonist doesn't seem too bright, either, when she gets frightened by a simple clattering sound on her phone - a sound that, incidentally, causes her nipple to pop straight up...or is she frightened because the sound aroused her?

But when the phone rings again, but she seems less frightened by what should a scarier sound: a woman's gloating laughter. Who is it, sounding so confident and almost diabolical? It's not the fetish zombies who spring up a moment later. They don't smile or speak, and their faces are empty of everything except a firm sense of purpose. Our protagonist flutters away, but the zombies drag her back to the front room (Look closely and you'll recognize the furniture and bookshelves), where they can be seen. Apparently they aren't afraid of unseen watchers. Their firmness turns to flat-eyed pleading, and they begin to pose for her. Eventually they make her over, but not into one of them. Her lingerie is shimmering white while theirs is black with chains. Her face is bold, while theirs are almost soft. They kneel behind her as she looks straight at us.

Now, tell me: what was all that about? What do these images suggest to you? To me, they suggest that our protagonist began the story as a captive, imprisoned by someone who thought they could own her and display her at will. That person must have been very powerful, to wipe her identity and turn her into a fainting flower. But the zombies are "Fleurs du Mal" - flowers of evil, and they've come to reclaim her. Our protagonist recognizes the clacking noise: it's made by beads or chains, something a real slave might wear. And hearing it stirs the first of her memories just as it stirs her nipple.

Then comes the second call, and the laughter....which doesn't come from the zombies who spring up with supernatural speed. They aren't t capable of laughter any more than they're capable of truly threatening this woman. She only runs because she doesn't remember, so they drag her back to the front room, back into the sight of her "owner," and begin to pose for her. They're reminding her of all the perversions she taught them; they're pleading with their eyes for her to remember. She is the owner, and even without her direct influence, they're still so deeply enthralled that they'll rescue her rather than free themselves. They can't talk - she's taken their voices from them - so they do what they can. They obey the commands she once gave them and hope she'll remember again.

It happens, finally, when she fetches up against the boots of her majordomo. The memories flood back and she sinks to the floor, half ecstatic, half horrified because she knows now how she was trapped. But her slaves descend on her, loving, ecstatic, and redress her in the familiar lingerie of a domme. Then she snaps upright with the same supernatural speed she gave her puppets and she stares at the window, knowing her ex-owner is watching, knowing how frightened that person is to see her returned to herself.  They'd captured her by trickery, but she was always the more powerful of the two. Now that she's free, she'll be out of her prison in an instant; and she'll make the false owner grovel mindlessly at her feet. She'll laugh that laugh again, and her her slave will shudder in delight. Already they've forgotten who they were. They're even glad to have forgotten. But they'll never be like her other slaves, the privileged ones. She won't dress her ex-owner, or let them touch her ever again. She'll have something nasty in store, something only a mind as brilliant and powerful as hers could dream up. And no matter how degrading it is, her former owner will love it.

No one fucks with this woman and gets away with it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

first an update, then a gentle gift

The update is about the story I'm working on now, which I've temporarily titled "Slavestyles of the Rich and Famous." If I come up with a better title, I'll let you know - or if you suggest something better and I use your suggestion, I'll give you a free copy of the e-book and a shout-out in the credits. If you'd like to brainstorm with me, here's the basic plot. There's an island in the South Pacific that poses as a self-improvement retreat center (and New Age hippie commune, complete with free love sessions every night) for the richest and most famous people in the world. But actually, every aspect of the retreat program is designed to slowly brainwash participants into slaves who will either be auctioned off or, if they're not desirable enough for auction, become recruiters and/or staffer for future retreats. The brainwashing includes giving the slaves a "mask" personality that they can wear in public, making them seem to be their usual selves, so buyers can use them in any way they like. This includes taking them as public lovers, turning politicians into puppets, making athletes throw games - or anything else the buyer can think up. I have a very surprising, scandalous destination in mind for my protagonist. You'll never guess it, but I think you'll love it. It involves the biggest betrayal you can imagine.

All the brainwashing occurs through natural processes like sleep deprivation and plant extracts that legally and naturally induce whatever state of mind a situation requires. Then, once the participants' brains are softened up, they're led trustingly into hypnosis and neurofeedback exercises that erase their wills and personalities. But since the brainwashing doesn't use any illegal drugs or other methods, the island's mysterious "founder" has total deniability. If she were ever investigated, there would be nothing to incriminate her; and if anyone infiltrated a retreat, they'd end up enslaved just like the rest of the participants.

So that's where I'm going with the story, if you decide you'd like to play the title challenge. You just have to post your suggestion in the comments here so that there's no question of who said what first. And remember, this blog is set up to allow totally anonymous comments, so there's no need to reveal your real identity.

And now on to the promised gift. I've been researching biofeedback and neurofeedback videos since I'm using them in the story, and I've just accidentally found a wonderful guided meditation that's not sinister but does wonders for soothing anxiety, OCD, and depression. It really works. I've just listened to it, and although I started in a state of high anxiety, I feel wonderfully calm now - if slightly lightheaded. I'd recommend this video for anyone who struggles with the kinds of problems I have. But in case you're wondering if there are any hidden suggestions in there, I'll try to ease your mind.

1. The video probably uses binaural beats, since the description says it works best if you listen with headphones. I've been using binaural beats for years, to soothe myself when I get anxious, and there's s nothing scary about them, in themselves.
2. My impression is that the video induce a light state of hypnosis, but I never lost track of what the speaker was saying, and nothing he said was in any way inappropriate. He's just teaching you how to control your breathing and to use that as a way to calm yourself when you're struggling with anxiety, depression, or OCD.
3. There is a transcript of the session below the video. It's one of those automatic ones, which means it's not perfect; but it's pretty close and should reassure you that there's nothing suspicious in what the speaker tells you. The transcript includes a few "mms" and "yeahs," but I listened to those parts again after I'd listened to the video, and even with my speakers turned up to full volume I never heard anything like that. The YouTube ttranscription robot must have pulled those sounds out of the music. Again, everything the speaker says is completely appropriate. He's like a really good psychiatrist, soothing and teaching you without doing anything harmful.
4. The video is 42 minutes long, but the speaking stops after about 32 minutes, and then you have the option of either drifting off to sleep or waking up gently. I decided to wake up gently because whenever my thoughts drifted during the presentation, it was usually to think about how I should this video on my blog. But now I'm going to bed, and I expect to rest well.

I might never share anything this uncompromisingly "nice" again, so take advantage while you can...if you want. This video did me a world of good on a very hard day, and it might do the same for you.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Christmas ornament

I'm going on hiatus to enjoy a holiday break (and to see Rogue 1!). See you early in January 2017.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

I think I hypnotized myself for real in a dream

A couple of weeks ago I was taking an afternoon nap, and I had a lucid dream. I'm pretty good at doing that, and if you want to learn how to have a lucid dream, there are lots of YouTube videos that will teach you how. Just don't buy the crap about astral projection.

Well, in this particular lucid dream, I decided that I wanted to act out a hypnosis fantasy. These are usually difficult for me because deep inside, I always know I'm controlling myself. But this time Agnes Zee came to mind - Agnes and her male hypnotist. Of course, normally I'd prefer to be controlled by a female; but Agnes is so hot in trance that I can't help but appreciate the man who sends her there.

I remember a video (which, sadly, seems to have been taken down), where he keeps snapping his fingers and using Agnes' trigger to send her deeper - and to bring her closer and closer to orgasm. She doesn't quite go over the edge, maybe because she doesn't want to do porn - and in fact maybe she took the video down because she decided it was too close to porn. But in this video she comes close to orgasm, so in my lucid dream, I tried to reconstruct what her hypnotist had said, using his words and snapping but my own trigger. And I think I really was hypnotizing myself in that dream, using the man's voice to help me imagine I was under someone else's control.I was also, to put it delicately, experiencing the same sensations as Agnes. Unfortunately, just like her, I didn't reach the finish line. In my dream somebody interrupted me and then I at a daycare center watching over a pack of kids.

But I still have two weird things to relate about this dream. The first is that I got stuck in it so deeply that I couldn't wake up even when I asked people in the dream to slap me. I ended up napping for four hours. I don't know if that's because I hypnotized myself and didn't have anyone to wake me up, or if it was just coincidence.

The second weird thing is that all through the daycare part of the dream, I was gasping for breath. Now, I think I have a bit of sleep apnea, although I've never been tested, but I also think it's mostly under control now. If I dream I'm underwater, I tell myself I can still breathe, and I do; or if I dream I'm about to get swamped by a wave, I tell myself I won't hold my breath until just before it hits me. These techniques seem to work. But in this dream, there was no water, so I had no reason think about holding my breath; and I thought I was out of breath from exercising. I guess in real life I didn't stop breathing, but I was probably breathing very shallowly - and even though I was lucid enough to try to wake up, I wasn't lucid enough to remember my apnea. Weird.

Again, I have no idea whether the length of my nap or my breathlessness was due to hypnosis, but it's something to think about. Anyway, I will try the stunt again if I think about it during a lucid dream. Maybe next time I won't get interrupted.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Vampire mermaids?

I've talked before about my strange fascination with mermaids. I wonder why they play harps that lure men to their death, or why they drag shipwrecked sailors down into the depths to kill htem. What's it all for? Are they just doing it because they can?

I've also talked recently about being on a Lovecraft bender, searching the internet for public-domain stories from his predecessors and contemporaries. I won't weigh you down with a long list of names or links, but I will say that Robert Bloch is by far the best writer in the crowd. (As an aside, I'll also say that, having seen and read lots of Weird Tales stories by now, I'm amazed at what those 30's-era authors and artists got away with. Naked women left and right, just barely disguised sexual imagery in every climax, and gore enough to make Stephen King applaud.)

Well, I wasn't kidding about the vampire mermaids. I've just finished reading a story by Robert Bloch about a sorceress who inhabits the body of an alluring sea-creature, then saps a male victim of his will with repeated dreams and steamy hot kisses (which were no doubt more than kisses, nudge nudge wink wink) so that she can...well, I'll keep that a secret in hopes you'll read the story. I've uploaded the PDF here.

And just to whet your appetites, I'll share this little excerpt where she lures him into a clearly vaginal cave (Notice how he has to squeeze between two jutting points of rock) and sucks a little more of his will away:

The salt breeze blew coldly across his face, and the sea glistened like silver in the moonlight. A faint splash told of a sea-thing that broke the surface of the waters. To the north the sea washed against the rugged surface of the cliff, barred and speckled with black shadows. Dean felt a sudden, inexplicable impulse to move in that direction. He yielded.

As he clambered over the rocks he was suddenly conscious of a strange sensation, as though keen eyes were focused upon him—eyes that watched and warned! Vaguely in his mind rose up the gaunt face of his uncle, Michael Leigh, the deep-set eyes glowing. But swiftly this was gone, and he found himself before a deeper niche of blackness in the cliff face. Into it he knew he must go. He squeezed himself between two jutting points of rock, and found himself in utter, dismal darkness. Yet somehow he was conscious that he was in a cave, and he could hear water lapping nearby. ... He stepped forward, and, as the floor shelved sharply downward, stumbled and fell headlong into icy, shallow water. He felt, rather than saw, a flicker of swift movement, and then abruptly hot lips were pressed against his.

Human lips, Dean thought, at first.

He lay on his side in the chill water, his lips against those responsive ones. He could see nothing, for all was lost in the blackness of the cave. The unearthly lure of those invisible lips thrilled through him.

He responded to them, pressed them fiercely, gave them what they were avidly seeking. The unseen waters crawled against the rocks, whispering warning.

And in that kiss strangeness flooded him. He felt a shock and a tingling go through him, and then a thrill of sudden ecstasy....

Again, if you'd like to read the full story - which is well worth your time - just click here.