Right up until the moment I logged into Blogger to write this entry, I was working on a new induction for myself, which I'm calling "mindwiped." I must be putting myself into trance just writing it, because I feel so deliciously lightheaded right now. I guess this is how it happened for the narrator of Tabico's Sub Routine. Heh. I wish you could see the look on my face as I think about that.
Anyway, I'm designing this induction (which I suppose I'm going to have to share with you all in the end, right along with the robot program *sigh* ;-P) to see just how deeply I can get myself to go, just how much I can get myself to believe I've been totally brainwashed into a white-eyed drone. It begins with me (or, later, you) in a programming chair, watching the black-latex-clad thrall approach, knowing exactly what she's going to do and aching for it with every fiber of my being.
Sadly, I won't get to finish it today. I have other things to do. But I'll be sure to let you know how it plays out in the end.
And now, back to writing. For a little while.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Learning as I go
They say we learn from our mistakes. Well, that's exactly what I did last night: I learned from a big mistake. I'm still tweaking that "bedtime" session I've made for myself, and last night I tweaked it too far and ended up getting the opposite result from what I wanted. Still, the strength of that bad result showed me just how powerful this session can be for me.
For years and years now, I've been playing a certain old '80's song in my head at bedtime in hopes that it would help me get to sleep, because it's just so very, very soporific. Those of you who grew up in the '80's might remember Men at Work. Well, when I was in my teens, I was a huge, huge Men at Work fan. I saw them in concert, and I had all their albums. The first album was called Business as Usual, and the very last track on it was a slow, bass heavy, six-minutes-plus piece called "Down by the Sea." Well, that's the song I've been trying, for the most part unsuccessfully, to use at night for the past I-don't-know-how-many years to get me to sleep.
So once I started experimenting with Virtual Hypnotist, I figured "Down by the Sea" would be the perfect background audio track for my "bedtime" session. I downloaded the song from Zune (and incidentally discovered, through trial and error, that the only way to get it to play during a VH session was to play it through the Zune player at a very low volume while the session itself ran with "audio" de-selected). Then I loaded the "bedtime" scripts with suggestions that this song would make me sleepy whenever I wanted it to, and that any time a stray thought entered my head, I could erase it by mentally playing that song.
Last night was the first time I tried the session out with all the various components in place.
Now, I don't know if it happens this way for anyone else, but when I start to fall asleep, my mind fills slowly with little strings of nonsense, sentences that make no sense but which I've learned to recognize as the first sign of my conscious mind giving up the reins. I know I'm relaxed when the nonsense starts up; and I just let myself drift and not pay too much attention to it, because if I pay attention, it stops. The trick is to let it just play in the background of my mind until it wells up and fills me completely.
Only last night, what was playing in the background of my mind was "Down by the Sea." And I had conditioned myself to let it erase everything else - which turned out to be everything else including the nonsense. Damn, was it effective at that! I ended up wallowing in bed, nicely relaxed - but utterly, achingly unable to take that final step into sleep.
Well, I've learned better now. I've reworded the scripts to let the nonsense through, and in fact to bring it on more quickly and fully. I've also written a much shorter induction piece, since I'm falling under more deeply now. So we'll see how things go tonight.
Oh, and on a semi-related note, I've had what I think is a very cool idea for where to go next with self hypnosis. I'm going to buy a computer microphone, put myself deep in trance, and record myself speaking the various scripts I've written for myself. Then I can use my own voice instead of "Mary in Stadium" during the sessions; and when I hear, "This is the voice of your inner drone, your tiny silver core, currently tasked with...," I'll know it really is the voice of my inner drone. I'm imagining this might make for a great deepener and a much richer hypnosis experience.
Results to follow.
For years and years now, I've been playing a certain old '80's song in my head at bedtime in hopes that it would help me get to sleep, because it's just so very, very soporific. Those of you who grew up in the '80's might remember Men at Work. Well, when I was in my teens, I was a huge, huge Men at Work fan. I saw them in concert, and I had all their albums. The first album was called Business as Usual, and the very last track on it was a slow, bass heavy, six-minutes-plus piece called "Down by the Sea." Well, that's the song I've been trying, for the most part unsuccessfully, to use at night for the past I-don't-know-how-many years to get me to sleep.
So once I started experimenting with Virtual Hypnotist, I figured "Down by the Sea" would be the perfect background audio track for my "bedtime" session. I downloaded the song from Zune (and incidentally discovered, through trial and error, that the only way to get it to play during a VH session was to play it through the Zune player at a very low volume while the session itself ran with "audio" de-selected). Then I loaded the "bedtime" scripts with suggestions that this song would make me sleepy whenever I wanted it to, and that any time a stray thought entered my head, I could erase it by mentally playing that song.
Last night was the first time I tried the session out with all the various components in place.
Now, I don't know if it happens this way for anyone else, but when I start to fall asleep, my mind fills slowly with little strings of nonsense, sentences that make no sense but which I've learned to recognize as the first sign of my conscious mind giving up the reins. I know I'm relaxed when the nonsense starts up; and I just let myself drift and not pay too much attention to it, because if I pay attention, it stops. The trick is to let it just play in the background of my mind until it wells up and fills me completely.
Only last night, what was playing in the background of my mind was "Down by the Sea." And I had conditioned myself to let it erase everything else - which turned out to be everything else including the nonsense. Damn, was it effective at that! I ended up wallowing in bed, nicely relaxed - but utterly, achingly unable to take that final step into sleep.
Well, I've learned better now. I've reworded the scripts to let the nonsense through, and in fact to bring it on more quickly and fully. I've also written a much shorter induction piece, since I'm falling under more deeply now. So we'll see how things go tonight.
Oh, and on a semi-related note, I've had what I think is a very cool idea for where to go next with self hypnosis. I'm going to buy a computer microphone, put myself deep in trance, and record myself speaking the various scripts I've written for myself. Then I can use my own voice instead of "Mary in Stadium" during the sessions; and when I hear, "This is the voice of your inner drone, your tiny silver core, currently tasked with...," I'll know it really is the voice of my inner drone. I'm imagining this might make for a great deepener and a much richer hypnosis experience.
Results to follow.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
This is pretty funny
This is a picture I took of my recent blog stats: my visitors since the beginning of March. That spike started right about the time I joined the Yahoo Hypnosis Club and caught Lady Ru'etha's attention. ;-)
Damn, I'm good!
I ran that "silver robot" session again not too long ago. I am getting very, very good at pushing my buttons. :-) One of the best parts (not the best part, of course) was the struggle I felt in my head as a result of the intentionally conflicting commands I had running. I kept triggering myself with the keyword Lady Ru'etha gave me, then immediately telling myself to sit up straighter and keep my eyes open but unfocused so that I could take in the subliminals more and more fully.Eventually the script was telling me that I couldn't see the screen at all, that my eyes were merely interfaces allowing the subliminals direct access to my subconscious, and that my real eye was my mind's eye, where I was picturing myself being turned into a robot. I didn't manage to become completely blind to the screen, but the result of all those conflicting commands was a sort of unfocused, cross-eyed, deeply dizzy and delightful effect. That was a lot of fun.
Of course, that wasn't the most fun. ;-)
My Hypnotic Adventure Continues
Okay, first of all, that robot program I mentioned yesterday, the one I was modifying for personal use? Well, it's turning out to be pretty damn usable...especially after I tweaked it and re-ran it a couple of times. ;-P And now I've tweaked it even further. I can't wait to see what happens when I run it a third time with even more improvements! After all, I know how to push my own buttons better than anyone else; and how better to push my buttons than with a robot program? I'm not able to go deep enough yet to believe I really am becoming a mindless robot, but the imagery in my head is getting clearer and clearer, and my body continues to out-perform my mind by a long shot. You get the drift, I'm sure.All in all, I guess I probably tranced myself at least six times yesterday, using different sessions. The special session Lady Ru'etha and Follow the Watch made for me, using her voice, continues to work best. I'm sure that's because Lady R. has such a very expressive voice. The little spins and curls she puts on particular words make all the difference in the world. And I've reached the point now, with that particular session, where I can just let my mind drift and not actually focus on what she's saying. I'm falling quicker and quicker, deeper and deeper, and analyzing less and less.
In my mind, I sometimes picture an empty house with many floors, each pitch dark; and I'm drifting from the attic downward, going who knows how many levels deep in the end? When I'm sinking through the empty space within a level, the downward motion is easy. Then I'll hit the floor of that level and get stuck for awhile. But then something else Lady Ru'etha says - sometimes my trigger, sometimes just a word or phrase - will allow me to melt through that floor and on down into a deeper level. And so it begins again.
As for the VH scripts I'm now writing for myself, I have a few different goals in mind. Pleasure, obviously, is a big one. I'm going to have a lot of fun over the coming weeks and months playing out some of my favorite scenarios - including, but not limited to, some from my stories - in an erotic trance.
Another goal is to reduce my level of stress throughout the day and to increase my self control, especially over my tongue. I dropped an inopportune F-bomb at work last week and got chewed out about it, and I do tend to shoot my mouth off from time to time. I need to work on that.
And then there's what might be the most practical and important goal of all: improving the quality of my sleep. I came into all this with the expectation merely of playing out my fantasies, but I quickly came to see that hypnosis has many practical applications for my life. Right now I suffer from insomnia to such an extent that I have to take a couple of heavy-duty prescription medications to drop off every night. But thanks to the "bedtime" program I've been writing and refining for a week, I've now managed to cut the dose of one of those two meds in half. Eventually I'd love to be able to get off both of them entirely, and that seems like a very realistic goal at this point. I've proved to myself that I can go very deep, get very relaxed.
Folks, you have no idea just how good it can feel to get that relaxed. Sure, you do it all the time in your sleep; but think how nice it would be to feel that same level of relaxation while you had enough awareness to appreciate it. I personally notice it most in my shoulders. It's almost as if my arms pop painlessly out of their sockets and just dangle like puppet arms at my sides. It just feels soooo nice. I had no idea how much stress I was carrying from day to day until I started experimenting with hypnosis.
Again, I cannot recommend Virtual Hypnotist highly enough. Once you get the hang of it, you can write a script for any kind of session you want. And while the voice synthesizer program lacks all the delightful subtleties of Lady Ru'etha's voice, you can use even that to your advantage. I'm sticking with the Mary/stadium voice, and I have each personalized program begin with, "This is the voice of your inner drone, currently tasked with...." Then I have her tell me how good it feels to be commanded by my "tiny silver core" - a phrase some of you will recognize from one of my most self-revelatory stories. Yes, I'm using a lot of imagery from my stories, entirely on purpose, because those images already have so much resonance for me even when I'm not in trance.P.S.: The image above is from the cover of Mona Lisa Overdrive by William Gibson.
P.P.S.: At some later point, I might be persuaded to modify some of my personal VH sessions for use by some of you out there. Just let me know if you're interested. ;-)
Friday, March 27, 2009
A quick update re: Lady Ru'etha
Those of you who know Lady Ru'etha to any degree will be happy to know that I've just spoken with her by phone, and her loved one seems to have turned an important corner. It's going to be a long recovery process, but Lady R. has a lot of support both online and in person. She also says my blog entries are an enjoyable distraction for her, so here's another one just to give her a smile. ;-)
I'm still playing with Virtual Hypnotist and have found a preset robot induction which I've, um, juiced up quite a bit (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more). I'm going to try it out in just a minute, so maybe you'll hear more about it tomorrow. Of course, I'll keep the best bits to myself (especially if the session works as well as I'm hoping), but you know what a closet exhibitionist I am. ;-)
Stay tuned.
I'm still playing with Virtual Hypnotist and have found a preset robot induction which I've, um, juiced up quite a bit (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more). I'm going to try it out in just a minute, so maybe you'll hear more about it tomorrow. Of course, I'll keep the best bits to myself (especially if the session works as well as I'm hoping), but you know what a closet exhibitionist I am. ;-)
Stay tuned.
Just a little something to tide you over
I haven't really had any contact with Lady Ru'etha this week because of an unexpected health crisis in her family (Stop by her blog and leave an encouraging comment, if you like). But I did spend two solid hours on the phone with Jukebox, and we had a great time talking about our shared interests. It would be so much fun to interview him online, either by text or podcast. We'll see what develops.
Meanwhile, I continue to experiment with Virtual Hypnotist and the special session Lady Ru'etha and Follow the Watch put together for me. The short version is that things are going very, very well. The long version will have to wait until Saturday or Sunday, but in the meantime, I thought you might enjoy this new Depeche Mode video. The drugged depersonalization is exciting - at first, anyway. By the end, it's turned into a nightmare. But there's a real message here about being forced to live as something or someone you're not. Anyway, it's a cool song and a brilliant video. Enjoy.
Meanwhile, I continue to experiment with Virtual Hypnotist and the special session Lady Ru'etha and Follow the Watch put together for me. The short version is that things are going very, very well. The long version will have to wait until Saturday or Sunday, but in the meantime, I thought you might enjoy this new Depeche Mode video. The drugged depersonalization is exciting - at first, anyway. By the end, it's turned into a nightmare. But there's a real message here about being forced to live as something or someone you're not. Anyway, it's a cool song and a brilliant video. Enjoy.
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