Monday, November 14, 2011

Musings on boobs

I just found this astonishing ad on io9 and felt like I had to share. Too bad the video won't embed, but trust me: it's worth your time to click on over and have a look.

Technically, this is an infomercial for the latest variation on the old "magic bra" formula. I don't speak Chinese, but I'm pretty sure the ad promises to grow your boobs to at least twice their usual size. But wait - there's more! The sound effects are hilarious, the models' pre-enhancement pouts are adorable in a sad-kitten sort of way, and that woman in the violet dress just can't seem to stop feeling everyone up.

As for the product, I'm extremely dubious, but I give the designers credit for making it sexy enough that you'd want to wear it even if it didn't grow your boobs...which it almost certainly wouldn't.

Watching this video made me think about my own quest to find the perfect bra. I'm sure at least half of you out there will relate. You and I both know you can't just go into a store with a lingerie department, grab something in your size, and buy it. No, you have to try it on, adjust this and that, try your blouse on over it, and finally toss it in a corner of the dressing room and go look for something else because this one just won't work no matter what you do with it. Then you do it all again until you find something that actually works on your body. Then, good luck finding more than one of it in your size - or finding one again the next time you need to buy a bra. It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

My own boob-related challenge isn't the sad-Chinese-kitten problem, but rather the Queen-Latifah-in-Chicago problem. Ever since I saw I saw her in this outfit, I've been obsessed with her undergarments. My figure is pretty similar to hers, but I've  never been able to make my tits stand up like hers without grabbing them in both hands and just mashing them together. What kind of foundation garments did the costumers use on her here? Did it involve any duct tape? I'm pretty sure I'd need duct tape, to make my boobs do that.

Anyway, that's why I'm doubly fascinated by this Chinese super-bra commercial. If it did work, I'd buy one just to improve my cleavage.

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