Sometimes I don't even have to write anything

Pictures like this one (the right-hand half of the latest Antiseptic Fashion shot on Deviant Art) speak perfectly well for themselves.

And that lets me off the hook for Wednesday so I can go back to my hypnosis experiments...or it would, if I didn't feel compelled to add that that the Antiseptic Fashion DA gallery is chock full of this sort of high-art bondage gear, and that one pic in particular (of the ever-scrumptious Mosh) continues to be among my all-time DA favorites even without any obvious MC overtones.

Grrr x 2

Still no luck with my mp3 mix or Medication C. Yesterday evening I had several hours to work on the problem, and I discovered that the doubling effect wasn't an issue with the mp3 I'd made, but rather with the fact that I had two versions of the same thing playing at once from different places. Unfortunately, the mp3 had another problem, which was that "Down by the Sea" was playing at a much lower volume than the other two tracks. I couldn't hear it at all once the talking started. And the only way I could fix it in the end was to make a fresh version of the mp3 with all three tracks set to mono (I'd previously tried to have the straight script on mono, "Down by the Sea" on the left speaker, and babble on the right - so future Audacity users, take notice. You can't do that).

Well, after that, I thought I had the problem fixed, took Medication C, and tried again. Unfortunately, two new problems cropped up pretty quickly: a) I was talking too fast to put myself into trance, and b) all three tracks were playing at the same volume.

But I'm babbling now, so I'll stop. You really don't need all the gory details, do you? Here's the short version: I went back to Mary in the Stadium for another night and ended up having to take more OTC medication on top of Med C again. So now I'm going to postpone this experiment until the weekend and play with other things...like that Silver Robot session, which is looking better and better, and a new Good Driver session I wrote last night but haven't had the chance to test yet.

I'm discovering that some suggestions slip more easily into my subconscious than others, and the driving suggestions aren't "sticking" as well as, for instance, the no-cursing-at-work ones. I guess it's because my bad driving habits (speeding, not coming to full stops at stop signs, etc.) are much more deeply ingrained. So now I'm going to try using some, ahem, sexual imprinting to drive that message home. We'll see how it goes. ;-)

Grrr, setback

Last night didn't go so well. I thought I'd successfully combined the three tracks I mentioned yesterday into one; but either I didn't do it right after all, or else I had the Virtual Hypnotist settings wrong. Anyway, when I went to try out my new customized mp3 at bedtime, I got several long seconds of silence and then a doubled mishmash of voices and music. But, having already taken Medication C, I knew my time was limited; so I went back to the Mary in Stadium version with the babble mp3 and spent several frustrating minutes trying to get the sound level right so I could have a good experience.

Of course, by then, there was no way I was going to have a good experience. When I finally crawled into bed, my thoughts were still whirling like mad, and I ended up having to take a dose of over the counter sleep aid on top of Med C, then run my customized Quick Deepener, before I could get to sleep.

At this point I'm thinking Med C might not do the trick after all, but then again, maybe I just need to use it under better circumstances. I'll have to try again once I get the three-track mp3 issue sorted out, and that will require more time than I have just now.

In the meanwhile, I'd welcome any feedback from anyone who knows more about Audacity or about hypnosis. I'm wondering if going under too many times during the day can keep you up at night, because I did spend a lot of time yesterday working on the Silver Robot program.

And yes, it is coming along very, very nicely. And yes, I will share it with all of you in the end. :-)

Fits and Starts

That's how my Bedtime program is coming along: in fits and starts. Last night was a bit of both.

As I mentioned in this post, I can tell my mind is sinking into sleep when little nonsense phrases start popping up in my brain, so I've been tweaking the program to encourage the spread of that nonsense as much as possible.

I've also bought a computer mic and, on Lady Ru'etha and Follow the Watch's recommendation, downloaded a freeware program called Audacity that lets you create and play with audio files.

Then, a few days ago, I remembered that Neil Gaiman had used another freeware program called Babble when he wanted to come up with some semi-meaningless nonsense passages for one of his short stories. So, I thought to myself, why not create some babble of my own and use it as a background track for my Bedtime session? A search of Gaiman's blog led me to this link; which led me to download Babble itself; which turned out to be a really, really old program. The damn thing actually runs in a DOS window! But, hey, it's free (for two weeks, anyway), and I managed to figure it out well enough to produce a babble-ized text version of my Bedtime script.

Then came the fun part. I had already written a Reader Drone program which would take me deep into trance and then have me record a hypnotic session for my future self, speaking as my real "inner drone." I tried it out for the first time yesterday, initially attempting to record myself reading the "straight" version of the Bedtime script with "Down by the Sea" playing through the speakers behind the mic (because "Down by the Sea" simply will not allow itself to be opened and played with in Audacity; it seems to be some kind of copyright thing). That didn't come out very well, but I continued on and recorded myself reciting the babble-ized version of the script while still in trance.

But let me take a moment here to tell you how incredibly fucking awesome it is to sit there, staring blankly at your screen and reciting things you don't really understand, not caring that you don't understand, because you're just so deliciously deep in trance and because you know you're recording something that will put you back in trance, even deeper, later on. Mmmmm. :-)

Anyway, the straight script/"Down by the Sea" recording didn't come out very well because, in an attempt to record my voice nice and loud, with the music playing softly but audibly in the background, I had the speakers turned up fairly high and held the mic close to my face. So when I played it back afterwards, I could hear every little breath and lip smack all too clearly. Yuck. Not pleasant listening at all.

But the babble-ized recording turned out quite nicely, and I used it as the background audio track in my Bedtime session last night with "Mary in the stadium" on lead vocals. It only took a minute to realize I had the babble track up too loud, but I ran with it, and by the end of the session my brain was nicely scrambled. It took me a bit longer to get to sleep than it has with my more successful experiments, but I see a lot of potential here. A lot.

Plus, I was really doing two experiments last night, since I had also switched out Medications A and B for an older, cheaper drug that I still had on hand. Medication C is prescribed primarily for restless legs, which is another thing that keeps me awake at night; but the doctor had hoped it would help me with my insomnia, too. Unfortunately, it didn't allow me to "turn my brain off" the way I needed to, the way my current (outrageously expensive) Medication B does. So, since I have the "brain off" problem mostly solved now, but I still need something to calm my restless legs, I figured I'd give Medication C another try. And it worked, even with the "bedtime" session itself not being at its best.

Obviously, this all makes me very happy and very hopeful of chucking A and B completely.

This morning I re-recorded myself reading the "straight" Bedtime script, incorporating several enhancements that occurred to me after last night's experience - but not incorporating "Down by the Sea." This time the recording came out every bit as well as I'd I hoped it would. My Reader Drone program enables me to speak loudly, clearly, and with appropriate inflections while still in trance; but it also lets me sound drone-like enough to tickle my subconscious fetish buttons and (I hope) take myself deeper than Mary in the stadium can.

The next step, then, is to try recording "Down by the Sea" all by itself, from the speakers to the mic. I know the sound quality won't be great, but it's only going to be a background track; and I have a tin ear, anyway. I don't think I'll mind. ;-)

Then I'll see if I understand Audacity well enough to combine all three tracks with the straight Bedtime recording on top and the babble-ized Bedtime and "Down by the Sea" as background tracks running in separate speakers.

Results tomorrow...maybe.

Getting tired of picture-free posts?

Well, if you are, this entry ought to make you feel better. I discovered two lovely new galleries on Deviant Art sometime last week, one by a photographer who calls himself mrgone, and other by his preferred makeup artist, mishkamink. A lot of their efforts appear in both their DA galleries. At left and below are just a few of their most MC-ish collaborations, but there are plenty of images in both their galleries that also involve latex and/or human dolls. In other words, there's plenty for everybody to enjoy.

As for the heroin references, yes, I get them; no, I don't like them; and yes, I can ignore them and put my own interpretation on the pictures.

Last night

I'm working lots of overtime this week and have been pretty exhausted by the time I get home, so last night I was running my "bedtime" hypnosis session a little after 8:00 PM when the phone rang. If it was one of my three blog readers who have my phone number, I do apologize, and I hope this will make you feel better about not getting to talk to me in person. ;-)

The phone sits right next to the computer, so it's pretty hard to ignore. But I was about halfway through the session when it rang, and I was deep enough that I noticed it but didn't feel any great urgency about answering it. I knew that I could pull myself out of trance and answer it, but a) when you're in trance, knowing you could do such-and-such but considering it to be too much of a bother is a pretty common experience; and b) I was aching for sleep, anyway, and answering the phone would have meant keeping myself up even longer.

So I ignored it. I heard it, and I heard my answering machine pick up, but I just kept focusing on the session. And when the caller hung up without leaving a message, I was very satisfied to notice that I hadn't broken trance in the slightest.

I've cut my nighttime dose of Medication A down to a quarter of what I started with, and I'm still getting to sleep very easily with this new program. Medication B will be harder to cut down since it's a single pill and doesn't look like the kind you can split, but I'm already thinking about talking to my pharmacist and doctor about options. This hypnosis stuff is really working!

No actual math involved. I promise.

Not too long ago, Follow the Watch taught me an interesting new word: fractionation. This is a hypnotic technique in which the subject is drawn into trance, awakened, and drawn back in several times in short succession. He says it's very helpful in teaching you how to go deep and stay deep. So I've been trying to do at least a little bit of that, myself, these last few weeks. I don't have the time for several uninterrupted hours of trance-play like he describes, but I am getting into the habit of doing at least three or four sessions a day, two at a time when I can manage it.

I've talked already about the "bedtime" session I've been working on, and I have a "morning" session now, as well. It includes suggestions about things like handling stress and keeping my mouth shut when I need to. I've discovered that I get the best results from these sessions if I play Lady Ru'etha's mp3 first, then the morning or bedtime session right afterwards, while I'm still pleasantly hazy and relaxed.

And by "best results," I mean excellent results. I went to sleep very quickly last night and am noticing a huge reduction in my stress levels during the day. And I really am obeying the suggestion I gave myself that curse words wouldn't even occur to me while I was at work.

I'm still boggling at just how suggestible I've turned out to be. This is just the kind of thing I've always dreamed of. I'm enjoying the experience of being controlled, but it's also teaching me self control of the kind I've always needed. And I'm just so much calmer and happier these days.

Now if only I could find the time to unpack that computer mic and try it out. I'm so excited by the possibilities there.