Saturday, September 15, 2012
Adventures in self-hypnosis
Lately I've been tinkering with my morning session, creating a more sinister second version as if the first version wasn't sinister enough! But I've had a very strange problem when I try to use it.
I've written a new scenario for the last part of the "suggestions" section that's loosely based on this Sorayama image, and I added into the script just after the part that puts me in deepest trance. At this part in the original morning script, I'm totally zoned out staring at spirals and subliminals; so I was hoping I'd still be deep enough when the Sorayama scenario kicked in to buy into it 100%.
Unfortunately, every time I've run morning2, I've still been so zoned out when the Sorayama part kicked in that I might as well have been fast asleep. I can't enjoy it because I can't pay enough attention to enjoy it. Even adding commands to pay close attention now don't help. The previous passage had just taken me too deep for anything else.
Now I've revised morning2 to put the Sorayama bit before the zoned-out bit. I haven't had a chance to run it yet, but I have high hopes. Meanwhile, as I was rearranging my script, I tweaked a few other lines and ran across one in the zone-out section that made me roll my eyes. Right there, in the original set of commands, was the suggestion that eventually I'd be able to go deep enough to become a mindless drone, just like I'd always wanted to be. I guess that command took hold of my subconscious a little more strongly than I'd intended.
I never know which suggestions are going to stick and which aren't, and the fact that I've commanded myself not to notice the deep suggestions in my morning program means that I hadn't thought about them consciously in ages. I'd forgotten that line was in there, but damn if I didn't zap myself good.
Anyway, this is all part of my continuing quest to find just the right level of trance. If I'm not deep enough, I tend to analyze the script instead of enjoying it and my mind occasionally wanders. On the other hand, if I'm too deep, I don't even know what I'm experiencing. I know there's plenty of middle ground between those poles, but I'm still trying to home in on it.