Sunday, January 25, 2015

Point to ponder

art by Hajime Sorayama
I've noticed a trend among some of the people who talk to me by blog and email: an unusually high number of them say they have Asperger's Syndrome. I have it too. I finally got diagnosed last year, after at least two decades of trying to convince people that I should get tested. My symptoms aren't always obvious, so no one believed me. I didn't entirely believe myself. And AS is a hell of a thing to live with even when you know you have it. It's a lifetime of offending people without meaning to, of not understanding what people really want or need from you, of shame for screwing up again and again when you know you're too smart to keep making the same mistakes.

Do you see where I'm going here? This isn't a "poor, pitiful me" post; it's an explanation for why I developed a mind control fetish - and perhaps why so many other Aspies are into it.

If you're an Aspie and a sub, fantasizing about being totally controlled means fantasizing about being unable to screw up. If you can only do what your controller wants you to do, you can't offend or disappoint. You're perfect.

Or if you're an Aspie and a dom, (I assume) you can fantasize about the people you control being unable to take offense. They'd be totally accepting - loving - no matter how socially inappropriate you were with them. You could do no wrong in their eyes.

I have no data to back up my theory, just a few conversations; and I know there are lots of other reasons for people to develop an EMC fetish: feelings of inadequacy, revenge fantasies, lust for power, lust for surrender.... (Some of those could apply to Aspies, too. I won't say I've never written revenge into my stories; and looking back from the other side of my diagnosis, I realize I was taking revenge on the bullies who mistreated me because of my difference.). But I have a hunch that there are more Aspies among the EMC fetish ranks than among most other fetish ranks. And since Aspies are obsessive by nature, we might be some of EMC's most devoted fans.

That's a nice thought, isn't it? As long as none of you go all Annie Wilkes on me.


K said...

Let's see, natural tendency to obsess, interest in how people/things work, and a desire to have people make bloody sense. Makes sense to me.

Anonymous said...

! I'm not an MC fetishist but I also got diagnosed, earlier this year (and I love your work), so ! solidarity. Also, one of my closest friends has submissive MC interest in literally the way you just described. (He's not sure if he's also autistic, but he's wondering about it). I'll need to show this to him!

Anonymous said...

er, I guess it'd be last year now...

thrall said...

K: A desire for people to make sense! Yes, that's it exactly!

Anonymous: Yay solidarity! ;-) And it's interesting that you have a maybe-Aspie friend who's also into MC.

Asudem Latex said...

i've been told that i have it by people in sl....

never proven however.


ps; I'm not a robot button... maybe we want to be ;-)

thrall said...

Well, I hope you have a chance to get tested. It's been a huge relief to me, to know there's a neurological reason for my screw-ups Good luck!

And yes, certainly some of us do kind of want to be robots...sometimes. ;-) It's a cool new kind of Captcha anyway - much easier to read than those damn twisted-up non-words.

Anonymous said...

I've never understood the concept of people 'not making sense'.

I'm not saying I can't understand your diagnosis, nor am I saying you should 'grow up' or something silly like that; quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm straightforward and blunt. My desires are plain to whomever I face. I have no problem with the concept of 'being wrong', or with honestly saying "I don't know" to a question. And I think that's where a lot of people get it wrong.

I catch the social queues, the subtext of a situation, and can discern what people 'mean'. This is where your condition comes in; and where you're hampered. My issue is, why is that subtext there in the first place? Why put into place a potential roadblock that could be misunderstood by others?

I fear it's a mentality that's shared by many; they want to be paid attention to, so they generate situations where they can be misunderstood to gain it, so they can be felt sorry for. Rather than stopping, thinking, and moving on with their lives, they want to complain about it.

I call them on their crap. It hasn't earned me many friends in the popular cliques, I assure you. But I see it this way; speak openly, speak honestly, or you're just wasting my time. Time I could spend helping someone truly in need, or making this world a measurably better place.

I do volunteer work with 'kids' (18-24 year olds) that have grown up in strict, sheltered families because of their religious views. When their parents chuck them out and cut off all contact because they don't share them, I get the dubious honor of helping these kids pick up what few pieces they have, and get on with their lives. Many have AS and ADD diagnosis (minor ones, mostly), and I appreciate their honesty.

The parents, often narcissistic and guided by an ancient text, tell little Johnny he's worthless because he happens to like boys, or tell little Suzy not to go to college because she's a girl and should instead be looking forward to cooking dinner while barefoot and pregnant, they don't keep their mouths shut. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if a couple of them frequent your blog, or at least browse mcstories regularly. Not only were they sexually repressed for years, but they're finally being allowed, and accepted for being themselves.

thrall said...

It does seem like I've struck a nerve with this post - which is a good thing. I'm glad to know my theory might have substance. I've never been part of the popular crowd either, and I've always felt like a weirdo and an outsider. But even though I've gotten used to that, it's still nice to find a group I fit in with. And it's nice to find explanations for why I am the way I am.

Silver Nerd said...

Knew someone with AS once. Man, that guy was always keeping the top shelf of the pantry full of cereal. Just boxes and boxes of cereal. It was not until after I found out he was an Aspie that I understood why there were five different boxes of Rice Krispies in there, each only about 1/3 full.

thrall said...

"Man, that guy was always keeping the top shelf of the pantry full of cereal" - Funny, that almost sounds like a metaphor I didn't get. You know, like, "He's not coloring with a full box of crayons." ;-) But I get you - and I get him too. Obsessiveness is just hardwired into the Aspie brain. I don't have strong feelings about cereal levels, but I have *very* strong feelings about things other people don't care about at all.