Does the thought of one woman controlling another woman's mind thrill you beyond measure? Do your favorite dreams come wrapped in latex or rubber? How do you feel about robots? Here I am. I'm waiting.
First I have a question. Is this regime just a singular nation or is it global with different heads for each nation or something else? Otherwise I like and am interested in seeing the rest when its ready to be shown. Good work.
I'm not entirely sure if you want comments from me, because I'm not at all an MC-fetishists, I read your stories because they're awesomely written and have awesome female characters of the kind I want to read about. But you said everyone, so:
I'm really enjoying the world-building, and the way we're getting information about the past bit by bit. How this all started (not sure, incidentally, if that's meant to be a warning-ish about how wartime has a tendency to lead to people doing things they really shouldn't and how that's dangerous and should be guarded against, but it works as one). How Paul's parents were involved. That they'd killed themselves. I look forward to finding out even more. (And and also trying to figure out timesspans - it seems Paul grew up pretty totally under the general, but he must have been born before since he survived his parents. But not long before, because he didn't remember. Hmm...)
I like how we're getting similar bit-by-bits about the technology - beaming, and chips, and memory chips, and the nickname 'ware for internal hardware.
The wham-line reveal about Paul, "Now it was up to their son to replicate their work" was super well done in terms of really doing the 'wham'.
Communication-disguised-as-caressing is rather cool.
Genelle Russo is awesome and if this was mass-media work with a fandom I would be browsing her tag on tumblr and making posts about her awesomeness right now.
I'm really impressed by the escape mechanism - the established order for tunnel-crawling, the railevators (that's such a cool word!). The team's fear was palpable and so well conveyed. *has feels*.
I liked the thing with diagnosing Cab taste by Peacekeeper. I am very excited to 'meet' the General. (I'd totally be browsing her tag too...)
I'm really interested in the idea of a genetically based MC thing. I hope we find out more about that!
In minor things, I'm rather curious why informers are called narcs, since I associate that with drug police, and whether Paul's last name means 'country' on purpose. And also why there is 'New' China.
I also liked the opportunity to do version-comparison. I was considering doing that, and then hey, helpful link right there!
Anyway, thanks for giving us an early view! Looking forward to more!
First, to code16, of course I want comments from you! I'm actually happy that a non-MC fetishist can enjoy my work, because I do try to write actual stories.
Now to K's question - which ties into some of what code16 is asking about, too. The United Americas comprises all of North and South America, plus Greenland. The whole thing is run by Hawthorne's regime. Other countries around the globe have consolidated either because one of them took others or else because they had to combine to protect themselves. New China (which is "new" because it's larger than the China of today) includes all of Southeast Asia, the Indian Federation controls the rest of Asia, and the European Union is composed of pretty much the same countries as today. None of these other empires/commonwealths is hugely important to the story, but I mention them all a few times, so this is a nice opportunity to spell things out for you.
Now back to code16: No, I didn't know "Medina" meant country; I just wanted a Hispanic surname for Paul. But that's interesting! He was born in the midst of Hawthorne's Takeover. I've already planned out a full backstory for him and his parents, and I might well end up writing it sometime after I finish "Sleepwalkers." In the meantime, you'll find out a bit more in the second half of Chapter 1.
I'm glad you like Wizard. :-) She's the one I was talking about when I said I had to make up a new character on the fly after writing Chapter 1, and that she quickly became my favorite. She hasn't had the chance to do much yet, so I'm delighted that you already think she's awesome. Trust me, you ain't seen nothing yet!
"Narcs" and "narcing" are terms I've heard used in a lot of different contexts. I know "narc" technically refer to a narcotics cop, but in a slang context, it can be used to refer to any sort of informant, good or bad. In "Sleepwalkers," the narcs are definitely the latter.
Re: Medina, I figured as much, since it was clearly supposed to be Hispanic and the language it means country in is Hebrew. :)
Which makes me suddenly curious as to what's up with Israel, in addition to already having been curious as to what's up with Russia. (That tends to be the problem with reading things set in the actual world. We have such a *big* world...)
I'm sort of a MC fetishist and sort of not. It's complicated. But I really like your writing.
I read this and was quite profoundly affected by its pictures (your story "My Very Own Serial Number" also had a similar effect on me).
This scene:
"He forced his eyes lower, staring at the lacquered rose between her legs. They were flushing just like his face. She wanted him to look. She *liked* it.
Despite himself, Paul liked it, too."
...particularly affected me.
I illustrated it using a Second Life avatar, and used the picture to write about it on my own blog.
Dear Thrall, Very exciting; the bit Sian Pearl brings up affected me strongly as well.
Betrayal is one of my triggers, so I'm looking very much forward to what happens to Paul/Paolo at the hands of the general!
I tend not to post, but I've found myself checking your blog and mcstories periodically over the past few weeks to see when the rest of the story goes up, ever since you posted the first excerpt, so I thought I should send some words of encourangement! I'm a huge fan of your stories, esp. Avatar, which pushes my buttons and stands as good scifi, and have often found myself rereading it over the past few years.
First, to Sian Pearl: thanks so much for the kind words on your blog and the Second Life avatar! The avatar looks fantastic, not much different than what I had in mind; and you're exactly right about my attitude toward MC. I'm sorry I didn't respond to you sooner, but for some reason, Blogger didn't notify me of your second comment here. I only found it when I was responding to Emotik's comment.
Now to Emotik: Thanks for delurking! I know a lot of people don't like to step out of the shadows, and I appreciate your doing so. It means a lot to me, to hear from people who read my stories and enjoy them. I promise you that if you like stories about betrayal, you'll be thrilled with Chapter 2. You'll see what's coming by the time you finish Chapter 1. ;-)
Finally, thanks to both of you for noticing the "lacquered rose" line. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that analogy. ;-)
Long time lurker... Wanted to let you that I really enjoy your writing. Also, you have two typos in the second-to-last sentence in the first paragraph after Paul is injected.
I am so very glad you liked my response blog. It was fun to do.
Now I've read the rest of part one, I can see just how much of the wrong there is. The fate of China is awful and oh so plausible, and the change in Paul/Paolo's personality at the end is chilling. The final change brought on by the "little death" of orgasm (you do that to Amanda in My Very Own Serial Number, too - is that a thing for you?) left a cold lump in my stomach. And then, making him brainwash the woman he loved... You are cruel.
Anonymous: *sigh* Yeah, as hard as I try, I never seem to get all the typos! I found several others last night when I reread the chapter here after posting it. It drives me nuts. Unfortunately, I feel like I'd probably drive *Simon* nuts if I kept emailing him revised versions of the same stuff. :-/ Just for the record, almost all the typos come from polishing and changing the wording. Sometimes a few scraps of the old version get left behind. I have no excuse, however, for writing "loose" instead of "lose." That was just a brain fart.
Sian: Yes, chapter 2 is one of the cruelest things I've ever written, and it was very hard to write. But once I committed to the plotline, I knew I couldn't tiptoe around the issue. I expect some MC fetishists to feel bad about getting turned on reading it. Others won't care, because it's fiction. I understand both points of view, but I'm in the former camp.
It is partly because you're in the former camp that I enjoy your writing so much.
This is twisty turny, but the fact that I feel bad about enjoying this stuff means that I feel less bad about enjoying it, in another part of my brain.
-I love the way you use name use as part of the 'transition' process'. I've noticed it in other stories with capitalization conventions (and also pronouns), and I'm noticing it here, with Paul, and then just 'he' for a bit, and then Paolo. It's a really cool Painting The Fourth Wall thing. (Also, it is very convenient for talking about the characters!)
-Yay, more information! I was suspecting some 'I control way more than you think I do' element was coming. Very cool to see what it was. And more information on Dreamer too. Including how it can go wrong, eek. I like how the levels bit gets twisted, here - before it was just a part of worldbuilding, and here suddenly it's become a plot and character driving thing - it's not the way of the world, it's something someone wants to *change*.
-I am really, really enjoying Paolo. He, and the dynamic between the General and him, are hitting things of mine so very hard. His enthusiasm and his reaction to her not liking it, the meekness thing, the idea of pining as how he could please her and taking his parents blame, and that almost paradoxical idea of receiving satisfaction from unfulfilled desire (specifically with this flavor), and then later the elements of a professional relationship integrated into this. It's one of those things where my mind could never have created it, so when I see it elsewhere it's like a new world of awesomeness.
-I'm not sure if this a desired comment, but something cool for me that I got out of this chapter were really interesting thoughts on how the gradient of mind adjustment works for loyalty bonds. So, Paolo is enthusiastic, and then she tells him to stop, so he is sorry and changes his behavior - but he still feels and likes the enthusiasm. And it could go up the gradient, where he'd immediately stop *feeling* the enthusiasm, or down where he'd try to behave differently because that's what she wants, but it would be hard for him, and he'd be upset at himself. It's so cool!
Thanks, lyricalagony! You're getting exactly what I wanted you to get out of the story. :-) The differences between Paul and Paolo are erotic and horrifying at the same time; and variations among levels are an integral part to the story, so I'm glad this is interesting to you and not off-putting.
13 comments:
First I have a question. Is this regime just a singular nation or is it global with different heads for each nation or something else?
Otherwise I like and am interested in seeing the rest when its ready to be shown. Good work.
I'm not entirely sure if you want comments from me, because I'm not at all an MC-fetishists, I read your stories because they're awesomely written and have awesome female characters of the kind I want to read about. But you said everyone, so:
I'm really enjoying the world-building, and the way we're getting information about the past bit by bit. How this all started (not sure, incidentally, if that's meant to be a warning-ish about how wartime has a tendency to lead to people doing things they really shouldn't and how that's dangerous and should be guarded against, but it works as one). How Paul's parents were involved. That they'd killed themselves. I look forward to finding out even more. (And and also trying to figure out timesspans - it seems Paul grew up pretty totally under the general, but he must have been born before since he survived his parents. But not long before, because he didn't remember. Hmm...)
I like how we're getting similar bit-by-bits about the technology - beaming, and chips, and memory chips, and the nickname 'ware for internal hardware.
The wham-line reveal about Paul, "Now it was up to their son to replicate their work" was super well done in terms of really doing the 'wham'.
Communication-disguised-as-caressing is rather cool.
Genelle Russo is awesome and if this was mass-media work with a fandom I would be browsing her tag on tumblr and making posts about her awesomeness right now.
I'm really impressed by the escape mechanism - the established order for tunnel-crawling, the railevators (that's such a cool word!). The team's fear was palpable and so well conveyed. *has feels*.
I liked the thing with diagnosing Cab taste by Peacekeeper. I am very excited to 'meet' the General. (I'd totally be browsing her tag too...)
I'm really interested in the idea of a genetically based MC thing. I hope we find out more about that!
In minor things, I'm rather curious why informers are called narcs, since I associate that with drug police, and whether Paul's last name means 'country' on purpose. And also why there is 'New' China.
I also liked the opportunity to do version-comparison. I was considering doing that, and then hey, helpful link right there!
Anyway, thanks for giving us an early view! Looking forward to more!
Thanks to both of you!
First, to code16, of course I want comments from you! I'm actually happy that a non-MC fetishist can enjoy my work, because I do try to write actual stories.
Now to K's question - which ties into some of what code16 is asking about, too. The United Americas comprises all of North and South America, plus Greenland. The whole thing is run by Hawthorne's regime. Other countries around the globe have consolidated either because one of them took others or else because they had to combine to protect themselves. New China (which is "new" because it's larger than the China of today) includes all of Southeast Asia, the Indian Federation controls the rest of Asia, and the European Union is composed of pretty much the same countries as today. None of these other empires/commonwealths is hugely important to the story, but I mention them all a few times, so this is a nice opportunity to spell things out for you.
Now back to code16: No, I didn't know "Medina" meant country; I just wanted a Hispanic surname for Paul. But that's interesting! He was born in the midst of Hawthorne's Takeover. I've already planned out a full backstory for him and his parents, and I might well end up writing it sometime after I finish "Sleepwalkers." In the meantime, you'll find out a bit more in the second half of Chapter 1.
I'm glad you like Wizard. :-) She's the one I was talking about when I said I had to make up a new character on the fly after writing Chapter 1, and that she quickly became my favorite. She hasn't had the chance to do much yet, so I'm delighted that you already think she's awesome. Trust me, you ain't seen nothing yet!
"Narcs" and "narcing" are terms I've heard used in a lot of different contexts. I know "narc" technically refer to a narcotics cop, but in a slang context, it can be used to refer to any sort of informant, good or bad. In "Sleepwalkers," the narcs are definitely the latter.
Re: Medina, I figured as much, since it was clearly supposed to be Hispanic and the language it means country in is Hebrew. :)
Which makes me suddenly curious as to what's up with Israel, in addition to already having been curious as to what's up with Russia. (That tends to be the problem with reading things set in the actual world. We have such a *big* world...)
Hi thrall.
I'm sort of a MC fetishist and sort of not. It's complicated. But I really like your writing.
I read this and was quite profoundly affected by its pictures (your story "My Very Own Serial Number" also had a similar effect on me).
This scene:
"He forced his eyes lower, staring at the lacquered rose between her legs. They were flushing just like his face. She wanted him to look. She *liked* it.
Despite himself, Paul liked it, too."
...particularly affected me.
I illustrated it using a Second Life avatar, and used the picture to write about it on my own blog.
The post is here:
http://parthenoid.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/sleepwalker.html
I hope you like it.
Dear Thrall,
Very exciting; the bit Sian Pearl brings up affected me strongly as well.
Betrayal is one of my triggers, so I'm looking very much forward to what happens to Paul/Paolo at the hands of the general!
I tend not to post, but I've found myself checking your blog and mcstories periodically over the past few weeks to see when the rest of the story goes up, ever since you posted the first excerpt, so I thought I should send some words of encourangement! I'm a huge fan of your stories, esp. Avatar, which pushes my buttons and stands as good scifi, and have often found myself rereading it over the past few years.
First, to Sian Pearl: thanks so much for the kind words on your blog and the Second Life avatar! The avatar looks fantastic, not much different than what I had in mind; and you're exactly right about my attitude toward MC. I'm sorry I didn't respond to you sooner, but for some reason, Blogger didn't notify me of your second comment here. I only found it when I was responding to Emotik's comment.
Now to Emotik: Thanks for delurking! I know a lot of people don't like to step out of the shadows, and I appreciate your doing so. It means a lot to me, to hear from people who read my stories and enjoy them. I promise you that if you like stories about betrayal, you'll be thrilled with Chapter 2. You'll see what's coming by the time you finish Chapter 1. ;-)
Finally, thanks to both of you for noticing the "lacquered rose" line. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that analogy. ;-)
Long time lurker...
Wanted to let you that I really enjoy your writing.
Also, you have two typos in the second-to-last sentence in the first paragraph after Paul is injected.
I am so very glad you liked my response blog. It was fun to do.
Now I've read the rest of part one, I can see just how much of the wrong there is. The fate of China is awful and oh so plausible, and the change in Paul/Paolo's personality at the end is chilling. The final change brought on by the "little death" of orgasm (you do that to Amanda in My Very Own Serial Number, too - is that a thing for you?) left a cold lump in my stomach. And then, making him brainwash the woman he loved... You are cruel.
I was captivated, of course.
Anonymous: *sigh* Yeah, as hard as I try, I never seem to get all the typos! I found several others last night when I reread the chapter here after posting it. It drives me nuts. Unfortunately, I feel like I'd probably drive *Simon* nuts if I kept emailing him revised versions of the same stuff. :-/ Just for the record, almost all the typos come from polishing and changing the wording. Sometimes a few scraps of the old version get left behind. I have no excuse, however, for writing "loose" instead of "lose." That was just a brain fart.
Sian: Yes, chapter 2 is one of the cruelest things I've ever written, and it was very hard to write. But once I committed to the plotline, I knew I couldn't tiptoe around the issue. I expect some MC fetishists to feel bad about getting turned on reading it. Others won't care, because it's fiction. I understand both points of view, but I'm in the former camp.
It is partly because you're in the former camp that I enjoy your writing so much.
This is twisty turny, but the fact that I feel bad about enjoying this stuff means that I feel less bad about enjoying it, in another part of my brain.
If you know what I mean?
-I love the way you use name use as part of the 'transition' process'. I've noticed it in other stories with capitalization conventions (and also pronouns), and I'm noticing it here, with Paul, and then just 'he' for a bit, and then Paolo. It's a really cool Painting The Fourth Wall thing. (Also, it is very convenient for talking about the characters!)
-Yay, more information! I was suspecting some 'I control way more than you think I do' element was coming. Very cool to see what it was. And more information on Dreamer too. Including how it can go wrong, eek. I like how the levels bit gets twisted, here - before it was just a part of worldbuilding, and here suddenly it's become a plot and character driving thing - it's not the way of the world, it's something someone wants to *change*.
-I am really, really enjoying Paolo. He, and the dynamic between the General and him, are hitting things of mine so very hard. His enthusiasm and his reaction to her not liking it, the meekness thing, the idea of pining as how he could please her and taking his parents blame, and that almost paradoxical idea of receiving satisfaction from unfulfilled desire (specifically with this flavor), and then later the elements of a professional relationship integrated into this. It's one of those things where my mind could never have created it, so when I see it elsewhere it's like a new world of awesomeness.
-I'm not sure if this a desired comment, but something cool for me that I got out of this chapter were really interesting thoughts on how the gradient of mind adjustment works for loyalty bonds. So, Paolo is enthusiastic, and then she tells him to stop, so he is sorry and changes his behavior - but he still feels and likes the enthusiasm. And it could go up the gradient, where he'd immediately stop *feeling* the enthusiasm, or down where he'd try to behave differently because that's what she wants, but it would be hard for him, and he'd be upset at himself.
It's so cool!
Thanks, lyricalagony! You're getting exactly what I wanted you to get out of the story. :-) The differences between Paul and Paolo are erotic and horrifying at the same time; and variations among levels are an integral part to the story, so I'm glad this is interesting to you and not off-putting.
Post a Comment