Robots and bootstraps

I'm not sure if I've ever blogged about this or not, but I frequently have dreams in which I'm searching for a Mistress. I know she's out there, and that she wants me to find her; but even when she's right in front of me, I can't see her or hear her commands. Yet I do so want to be commanded.

This has been a real puzzle for me, since I know I can create the kind of domme I want, in my mind; I do it all the time in my stories. Why, then, can't my subconscious create a domme for me to enjoy in my dreams?

Well, I think hypnosis is giving me the answer. I'm writing programs in which I command myself to think and do things I know will please me immensely, and they do. But there's always a sense that I'm lacking an essential element in the program. Commanding myself is sort of like trying to lift myself by my own bootstraps; it just doesn't work, not entirely. I need to be controlled from outside, not inside.

All of which is a lead-in to the fact that Lady Ru'etha called me again last night.

No, she still hasn't hypnotized me...not noticeably, anyway (though I suppose she's probably hypnotized me in the way Jukebox talks about here, when he says the key to the story is that Tara is hypnotized long before she knows she's hypnotized). We just talked. Her life is starting to return to normal now, and she's found a new recording studio and is putting together a number of new pieces, including a Mountain Lake for Women, which I am very much looking forward to.

We also talked about my Silver Robot sessions and her Robotics 1.01. As I mentioned a long time ago, this was the very first hypnosis mp3 I tried; and I didn't know until I got into it that I was supposed to have been listening to Safe Space for a week beforehand. I also didn't know until recently (and didn't know in full until today) how much of a difference it makes to listen to that mp3 through headphones rather than speakers.

Until today, I had only listened to Robotics 1.01 once. I didn't remember much about it when I was putting together Silver Robot; so the two are very, very different kinds of sessions. And of course, I'm only a newbie amateur noodling around, while Lady Ru'etha is a certified hypnotherapist and an experienced hypnodomme.

Put all these facts together, and damn, what a difference they make! Now that I'm accustomed to her voice, and to going deep quickly - and now that I can appreciate what a difference it makes to have someone else controlling me, rather than have me controlling myself - I was able to enjoy Robotics 1.01 ten or twenty times more than I was the first time. Plus, there's the fact that Lady Ru'etha's robot session focuses on the mental transformation (including archiving the old personality and then formatting the mind and installing new commands - principally obedience and pleasure - from scratch), whereas mine focused mostly on the physical transformation. Wow. I knew before I started listening that I'd be able to appreciate it a lot more than I had the first time, but honestly, I had no idea how much more I'd appreciate it. And I only discovered, after I listened, that she now has a free VH pack to go with it. I'll have to try that one later, since it's time for me to go to work, but I'm very much looking forward to it.

Lady Ru'etha also told me she has plans for several followups to Robotics 1.01: Robotics 1.02, 1.03, etc. One will be an "antivirus" program, which you can use to protect yourself from more manipulative and/or malicious hypnotists whom you might have submitted to in the past or might be tempted to submit to in the future. Another one, which she says people are practically begging her for, is a "security backdoor" program which you can install in yourself to let her, and her alone, get past the antivirus program and do with you whatever she pleases. Heh heh. Not my thing, but if I trusted anyone with that kind of access to my brain, it would be someone like her. I really have no doubts at all about her ethics. So if that's your kink, I hope you'll keep watch on the Realm of Bliss to see when the backdoor opens. And if that's your kink, please protect yourself from the kind of hypnodominants who'd use and abuse you. Have a sense of self preservation, please.