"But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
Yeah, I'm one of those tasteless geeks who loved Equilibrium, but I'm also literate enough to know the quote above originated with William Butler Yeats, so maybe you'll cut me a little slack. Besides, that quote sums up the topic of today's post so nicely that I couldn't not use it.
I'm here to talk about dreams again, but this time it's waking dreams rather than sleeping dreams. Fantasies.
I'm not sure where I first discovered Angela Ryan. Maybe Deviant Art, maybe Model Mayhem, maybe somewhere else. I was immediately taken by her beauty and the sauciness of her expression. I started collecting pictures of her, eventually enough that I decided to have a look at her official website. And that's where reality set in.
Angela Ryan, in case you aren't already aware of this, is basically a porn star. I wasn't aware of this because I'd been collecting pictures from places like Deviant Art and Model Mayhem. I'd developed this mental image of her as a sexy/cool woman with a penchant for vintage clothing and occasional mild kink. I had not developed an image of her as a person who says things like, "I love the sexy way the latex rubs against my nipples. It makes me so hot." (Yes, I know she almost certainly doesn't write the site content herself, but work with me here).
From my very first forays into latex erotica, I've been steering away from the naked crotch shots and other truly X-rated material. I never thought much about why, except that naked crotch shots just seemed so...crass. Like bad boob jobs. On the other hand, I love shots, like the one above, that look pretty damn kinky (not to mention pretty damn phallic) but don't seem to involve actual pain. Pain is a huge turnoff for me...well, unless the subject is so deeply brainwashed that s/he doesn't notice it. But that's not what I'm talking about right now.
What I'm talking about is that I seem to have built some pretty elaborate fantasies around the models I like, and I didn't even notice I was doing it. At some deep level, I must have been imagining they were the kind of people I'd like to date or, failing that, at least to hang out with. I don't want to imagine them as stupid, or addicts, or proto-prostitutes hardened to every sex act our species ever discovered.
Writing it out this way, I see clearly how naive I've been. Then again, I saw that the moment I laid eyes on Angela Ryan's website. But I'm going to pretend I didn't see it, and I'm also going to pretend I'm not naive. After all, imagination is my online trade. How many of my fantasies are posted on the EMCSA already? How many more do I have in me? For me, inventing stories is almost as easy as breathing.
They say each of us has a whole world inside her or his head, and I'm making the most of mine.