There's more than a little switch in me. My knee-jerk reaction to most situations is to submit; but under the right circumstances, I can be hardheaded, opinionated, bossy, or even (in cases of perceived injustice) vengeful. I must have been accumulating a lot of those feelings over the last several months, because last Wednesday night they all came out together in one spectacular dream.
Some time ago I had a...let's call it a "falling out"...with the head of a local group to which I used to belong. Since then I've had several dreams in which I ran across him by accident and didn't know how to treat him, so I just tried to hide. Well, this dream began with me finding myself in the group setting; running across him again; and deciding that, dammit, I was tired of hiding and had no reason to hide since the whole ugly mess was his fault anyway. So I just laid into him, telling him exactly how much of an arrogant lunatic he really was. It felt soooo good. :-)
Then things got really interesting. A gang of young teenage boys appeared, armed with some sort of ill-defined power over everyone, and began terrorizing the group. They even killed a few people. I didn't consider myself a part of the group anymore and wanted to sneak off, now that I'd had the confrontation I needed; but the boys trapped me in a room and began to grill me for their amusement. I wasn't frightened, just annoyed. In fact, I felt oddly in control. Somewhere deep inside, I knew I had a hidden power of my own.
The gang leader demanded my phone number and address, but I said I wouldn't give him that even if he threatened to kill me. Then he found out I'd been a teacher and asked what the students had thought of me. I said they'd thought I was hard and mean; and as I said it, I began to feel proud and even more in control.
Suddenly I was alone with the gang leader; the other boys had left the room. And I realized this kid had a fantasy about being dominated by a mean teacher. I started playing into it, becoming more and more harsh in my responses to him. Eventually I got him to prostrate himself in front of me, beg me to be cruel to him, and even to call me "Mistress." And that's when the others came back in, just as I refused him - and humiliated him in front of his underlings.
I mocked him and told all of them I'd be back later to rip them apart. Then I flew out the window and escaped.
Power can be nice, sometimes. :-)
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