Another Peek Beneath the Duct Tape: Willing Subject

I have a lot of MC dreams; unfortunately, I don't have a lot of satisfying MC dreams. Most often, I find myself wandering around in a semi-trance looking for my Mistress, who never shows up to give me actual commands. I don't know why my subconscious mind can't seem to generate a decent domme; my conscious mind certainly doesn't have that problem! Maybe someone out there with a better understanding of dream psychology than I have can help me figure it out.

Anyway, it was one of those unsatisfying dreams that gave me my jumping-off point for Willing Subject. I was wandering bleak, puddled streets at night, endlessly searching for the woman I wanted to control me but never seeing another living soul. Upon waking, I realized it might be fun to build a story around someone who wants to be enthralled right from the start, but who has to "earn" her slavery through a long and arduous quest (trilby else started a similar story once upon a time but never finished it. I still pick at him about that sometimes.)

Well, once I had the idea in my head, I didn't have much trouble fleshing it out with personal fantasies and events from my real life story. I've been to several hypnosis shows, some in college and some afterwards. Unfortunately, unlike Missy, I never found the courage to go up onstage because (as I told Sara Castle in an interview not long ago) it would have felt too much like stripping naked in front of a bunch of strangers. But boy, was I tempted - especially when some of my sorority sisters got up there and I saw how much fun they were having.

Yes, I was in a sorority - and yes, more than one of my sisters was named "Missy." But please don't get the wrong idea about me. I've never been part of the popular crowd and would never even have considered pledging a sorority at most schools...nor, most likely, would any sorority have pledged me. But the situation was a bit different at my college; all kinds of people joined the Greek system, not just your typical golden girls and boys. Yet even there, my sorority was pretty much the Omega Mu of the campus - which is especially funny when you consider that, nationwide, it's one of the most popular. And which one was it? Sorry, but I'm not going to tell you...though perhaps you can figure it out from the one genuine big clue I dropped in amidst the red herrings.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I know what it's like to be part of a group that concerns itself heavily with public image. There are so many things you can and can't do, especially when you're wearing the letters. Partying yourself into a stupor is just fine, of course, as is sleeping around - as long as you don't get caught doing it in public. But I can just imagine the reaction I would have caused if I'd marched across campus like m did, bound and pierced and totally expressionless; then jilled off in a professor's class and on top of the administration building. Mmm, even the thought of it now has me grinning and sighing wistfully. ;-)

Aside from Karen in Mirrored in Your Eyes, Missy/melissa/m is closer to the real me than any other heroine in any of my stories. Night after night, I seek unsuccessfully after my perfect domme. My fictional alter-ego just found her for me.